Different letter though.
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A D for Deployment. I feel like its tattooed on my forehead.
When I was driving home from North Carolina this weekend, I was looking around, taking in the scenery that I have driven by at least 100 times. But somehow it looks different. I kept looking at the cars driving by full of people, amazed at how normal they all look.
Because I feel like I am wearing a billboard. I know at this point, I don't look like myself, and I sure as heck am not acting like myself. I wonder if people can look at me and just know. I wonder if people see me looking at them, so completely jealous that in 2 weeks, their lives will still be normal.
That's all I keep thinking at this point- someone complains about their husband, I am jealous that they will still have a husband around to complain about in 2 weeks. Someone whines about how little their husband does to help them out, again, pure jealousy that their husband will still be there. (This all goes back to what I said previously about appreciating my husband more- yes, he makes me crazy when he's around, but man, I miss him a LOT when he's not around!)
Ugh. I know I keep complaining about the deployment, but at this point, its just all consuming. I WISH I had something else to think about, to talk about. But I just don't.
I just want February to hurry up and be over already so I can be excited about homecoming. I'm sick of worrying and thinking and what-iffing and whining and complaining. I'm sick of walking around with a knot in my throat and a pit in my stomach. I know I just have to get used to that, because if I remember correctly, thats not going anywhere until my husband is safely back on US soil, but at least I won't be walking around wondering how I'm going to manage to keep it together through the send-off.
Maybe once we make it through that I will feel like my tattooed D is gone.
Or maybe Randy can just take that with him on deployment.
And hopefully, once February is over, I will have something different and new and exciting to think about.
When I was driving home from North Carolina this weekend, I was looking around, taking in the scenery that I have driven by at least 100 times. But somehow it looks different. I kept looking at the cars driving by full of people, amazed at how normal they all look.
Because I feel like I am wearing a billboard. I know at this point, I don't look like myself, and I sure as heck am not acting like myself. I wonder if people can look at me and just know. I wonder if people see me looking at them, so completely jealous that in 2 weeks, their lives will still be normal.
That's all I keep thinking at this point- someone complains about their husband, I am jealous that they will still have a husband around to complain about in 2 weeks. Someone whines about how little their husband does to help them out, again, pure jealousy that their husband will still be there. (This all goes back to what I said previously about appreciating my husband more- yes, he makes me crazy when he's around, but man, I miss him a LOT when he's not around!)
Ugh. I know I keep complaining about the deployment, but at this point, its just all consuming. I WISH I had something else to think about, to talk about. But I just don't.
I just want February to hurry up and be over already so I can be excited about homecoming. I'm sick of worrying and thinking and what-iffing and whining and complaining. I'm sick of walking around with a knot in my throat and a pit in my stomach. I know I just have to get used to that, because if I remember correctly, thats not going anywhere until my husband is safely back on US soil, but at least I won't be walking around wondering how I'm going to manage to keep it together through the send-off.
Maybe once we make it through that I will feel like my tattooed D is gone.
Or maybe Randy can just take that with him on deployment.
And hopefully, once February is over, I will have something different and new and exciting to think about.
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