I knew it was coming

But it doesn't mean I can stop it.

We have a date. (For OPSEC reasons, I will not name said date.)  At least a rumored date.  A date that the "Lance Corporal Underground" claims to be true.  The Lance Corporal Underground is the Marine Corps' version of the gossip mill.  (This LCpl underground just shows that men are far more gossipy than women- just sayin'!)  

So in reality, this date could change 83 more times between now and said date.

But hearing it was still like someone came up and started repeatedly punching me in the gut.  I've known this deployment was coming since Randy accepted orders to this unit way back in May or June.  I've known that it would be a deployment to Afghanistan, and I knew it would be 7 months.  It still doesn't make it any easier to hear, or to comprehend what we are all about to jump into.  It doesn't make it any easier that I've done this 3 other times and have heard a date like this 3 other times.  

To know that I only have x number of days left with my husband able to just pick up a phone and call me, and me call him and not deal with a 3 second delay because of satellites.... well, it made me want to puke.  

It's going to be a hard adjustment to go from constantly texting and calling each other to not knowing if I will hear from my husband ONE SINGLE TIME for the entire deployment.  Of course, that's worst case scenario, but that might very well be the reality.  We just don't know.  Which makes things harder and even more frustrating.    There are always unknowns, but this time, I feel like there are more.  I think that's because this is the first to Afghanistan.  Give me Iraq- its cake.  I've done that 3 times.  But this time, its all brand new.  I'm still not sure how I feel about it.

At this point though, there isn't a whole lot I can do about it.  All I can do is enjoy my x number of days left with my husband, and go from there.  I'm going to miss Randy way more than I was counting on.  I haven't figured out why that is either- again, because we've done 3 other deployments.  But, in that 3 years of 3 deployments, we did not get to spend practically 4 whole years together.  That's the difference this time.  

That's what is making this so much harder than any time before.  I knew it was coming, but it doesn't change the fact that I love my husband very much and will miss him terribly.  

I'm lucky though- I have a pretty fabulous support system.  I have several other marine wife friends who will all be going through a deployment with me- some on another coast, some right down the road- but the distance won't matter.  I know I can call them whenever I need to, and I hope you girls know the same thing for me- my cell phone will remain on for the next 7 months.  I won't ever turn that sucker off.  My family has my back, as do all my friends.  I'm so thankful to know that I can turn to anyone and they will be there to help me out.

Now I just need to drop the stubborn act and learn to ASK for help.  I think I'm getting better though.  We shall see.