I'm a bad wife

Yep, I said it.  I am a bad wife. 

I don't really enjoy cooking, or baking.  I'm not exactly the most domestic girl in the world. (If you are any of those things- please don't take offense!) 




This is NOT us.  End of story.  The thought of it makes me giggle though!


I blame my stubborn independence on my mother, who raised both my sister and me with the notion that while boys were nice to have around, you didn't NEED a man to make you happy.  You sure as heck didn't NEED to depend on one to take care of you.  If you want to be happy, you better run and start making yourself happy. 

Back in May or June, Randy accepted orders to our new unit at Camp Lejeune.  This was after we originally had orders to 29 Palms, (kill me now!) then Camp Pendleton.  I wasn't quite ready to venture to the West Coast, and besides that I had JUST started a new job.  I was really torn on what to do- follow my husband across the country, and watch him deploy a few months later, or stay where I was until after the deployment.  We knew regardless of the unit we were with, we would be facing a deployment anyway.  So we made probably one of the hardest decisions in our marriage to date.  We decided that I would stay in VA, and he would attempt to change his orders to an East Coast unit, to make it a little bit easier on both of us.

This is why I feel like I am a bad wife.  Granted, it was a decision we both made together, but it has been much harder for me that I realized.  I feel bad that I am not able to cook him dinner every night before he leaves for deployment, I feel bad that I'm not there when he is frustrated and needs someone to vent to.   I feel bad that I'm not doing his laundry (as much as I hate it!)  I just feel bad that I'm not there to be a "good" pre-deployment wife.  

It gets frustrating.  I'm so lucky though that Randy has been so okay with this every step of the way.  This has challenged us in ways that are new to us.  It's almost-almost-harder now than it is to be apart during a deployment.  When you are only 300 miles away from each other, its irritating not to be able to see each other every single day.  There's no good reason for this separation, unlike the deployment, when the Marine Corps makes us be apart.  (I've tried stowing away in his sea bag each time!) 

It's hard to do it all on my own each day- be a single mom to my furbabies, and take care of EVERYTHING for much longer than I really planned.  But this is what I wanted.  I needed to be slightly selfish for the next few months and do what made ME happy, not what made the Marine Corps happy.  It's probably the only time in Randy's career (because he's a lifer, you know) that I will be able to make such a decision, and have it work so well for us. 

That's another reason why I'm so excited to start the deployment countdown- each day is of course one day closer to homecoming, but another day closer to my move to NC, back with my husband, where I belong.