Onward to the New Year!

I'll say it again... Where the HECK did this year go?


How is it possible that we are 3 hours away from 2012?


Now don't get me wrong, I am happy that a large chunk of this year went as quickly as it did.  (I still can't believe a deployment has come and gone.)  But wow... where did the rest of the time go?


It does scare me sometimes- and make me feel old.  I remember when I was little feeling like time was standing still... my birthday, Christmas, and summer vacation always took forever to get here.  Now, it seems like its just all gone in the blink of an eye.


It makes me appreciate the time that I do have that much more though- and enjoy the time I have with my family and friends.  I have learned to take advantage of every opportunity I am given, and live each day to the absolute fullest.  


2011 overall was a good year- I honestly cannot complain.  Yes there were sucky things- deployments are never fun, the dog nearly sent me straight to the looney bin- but each and every bad thing made me appreciate the good that much more.  I cannot dwell on the suckiness- because then you miss out on all the good stuff- a trip to California, seeing high school friends that live on the other side of the world, and happy homecomings.  


2012 will be even better.  There will of course be challenges- the pup is already recovering from round 2 of surgery, the boy will be leaving for 6 weeks of training (and its just about making me crazy that thats about all I can say about it... ugh!), and there are always challenges that the Marine Corps throws our way.   But each and every one of those things will only make me appreciate the good that much more!


So here's to a great 2011, and an even better 2012.  

Happy New Year!

I found this picture on Pinterest- I just love it!

Home for the Holidays

Merry Christmas!

Ok, so I am a few days late.  Better late than never though!


I know- I've not been the greatest about blogging lately- I'm trying to be better about it- but its hard when  I don't feel like there's much to talk about that would interest you.  Hopefully 2012 will be exciting and I will have lots to write about!


Anyway, this Christmas I was lucky enough to have Randy HOME.  That right there was enough for me.  I didn't need one single other thing.  We've done a Christmas deployment, and they SUCK.  There's no other way around it.  Everything reminds you about your loved one- the empty seat at the table, spending time with their family, collecting their gifts for them to open upon their return... ugh.  It makes me teary eyed just thinking about it.  


We were also lucky this year that we were able to go home for Christmas.  While it wasn't a white Christmas in PA, it was still Christmas at home with our families.  I know the odds are against us at this point- the Marine Corps has been kind to us as far as proximity to home, but I know it won't always be that way.  So that makes each holiday we spend at home even better.  


I'm still having a hard time believing that there are only 2 days left in 2011.  I honestly don't know where the time has gone, but I'm happy that this year that included a deployment went by as quickly as it did.  I could not have done it without the support of my fantastic friends and family.  Thanks to those that called, wrote, visited, and supported me when I needed it.  It was definitely a challenging year.  


2012 will be great- although I am less than thrilled about my impending 30th birthday- blah.  The boy is gearing up for training that could potentially change his future in the Marine Corps, and I am just along for the ride here in VA.  We had to cancel the cruise because of that training- which really really sucks- but I know in the end it was the best decision, and hopefully once we are through the training, we will have an opportunity to cruise again.  It turns out those "grown up" decisions are not so fun!


I am looking forward to what the future holds... it will definitely be interesting!

Penn State thoughts

Oh boy.  

It's been a roller coaster week for anyone who knows and loves Penn State.  I am honestly surprised at how hard this whole thing has hit me- especially since I never really wanted to go to Penn State, and swore up and down I would never be one of those crazies that bleeds blue and white.  

I was in tears when I was talking to Randy last night on the phone.  I am just so mad.  Sad. Angry.  Devastated.  Betrayed.  Disgusted.  Confused.  Hurt.  Overwhelmed.  Embarrassed.  

I think what disgusts me the most is that children were hurt.  These boys were deeply betrayed by someone they trusted.  Someone that they idolized.  And that person used his position of power and trust to molest these children.

  Somehow that is being lost in the debate and finger pointing.

I've heard a lot of people say that if you don't have children, you can't possibly understand why this is such a disturbing situation.  Well, I don't have any children, and I am positive that I am just as bothered about this situation as any parent is.  I worked with kids for 4 years.  I know how much those children look up to the adults in their lives.  I've seen what an impact a simple hug or a kind word can have on a child.  I know how much children trust.  


It horrifies me.  It's as simple as that.  It makes me so angry.  It makes me so mad that so many adults knowingly chose to do so little.  How?! How could adults in such positions of power turn a blind eye to abuse?  I know that the second I had witnessed abuse, or the moment a child came to me in confidence to say that they were being mistreated, I would have been running to the authorities.  That's all there is to it.  Regardless of whether or not my job was at stake or at risk.  It is my responsibility as a human to be an advocate for those that don't have a voice- or can't have a voice- regardless of the "chain of command"


There has been a lot of talk about the head coach- and at this point he has announced that he is going to "retire" at the end of this season.  He says that he wishes he had done more when he initially was told about the situation.  Some people defend him- saying that legally, he did what he was supposed to.  He told his superiors.  But morally, he did NOT do enough.  Nobody that had any knowledge of these events did enough.  More children were hurt and preyed on while these adults were legally doing the bare minimum, if anything at all.  It breaks my heart.  That's all there is to it.

I am a Penn State alum.  I know that ultimately, those that harmed these children will be prosecuted, and those that took no action will be dismissed from the university.  I know that we as a Penn State family will move on from this, and make some good come of these terrible injustices.  I hope that we can redeem the university that we are so proud to be a part of- and I hope those that have been hurt and betrayed by this terrible man, and let down by so many others  can now begin to heal and move forward.

November

November is Military Family Month.



photo by Christina Canterbury

(The Marine Corps Birthday is also coming up- which means one thing- the Birthday Ball!! But more on that later!)


You can view the Presidential Proclamation here.

I think that it's important that our sacrifice is recognized in as many different ways and by as many different people as possible.  Mostly because most members of the military family do not want the recognition.  We quietly do what we do- just like our servicemember does.  Not because it's easy, not because it's fun, not for all the "perks" (perks?? what perks??)- but because we know that somehow we are serving some sort of greater good. 

Randy's latest response to any sort of discussion or "argument" we have is "But I defended your freedom!"  I usually reply back with "And I supported your butt while you defended my freedom!"  We laugh-but what he says is true.  He has spent the last 8 years of his life as a United States Marine- and he defends my freedom (whether I choose to admit that or not) every single day. 

I am so privileged to know so many people who consider it to be an honor to defend the freedom of all Americans.  Not only that, I am so privileged to be a part of the families- who support those military members while they are defending our freedom.

The members of my military family are some of the toughest, strongest, and bravest people I know.  They know how to savor every minute, take advantage of every opportunity, and enjoy every duty station.  They know how to make the best out of nothing and make lifelong friends in 10 minutes.  They know that it is always "see you later", and never "goodbye", because chances are you will see them again.  They will drop off the face of the earth for a year or more, but show up when you least expect it- and most need to hear from them.  We are there for each other through missed holidays with our families, births, deaths, and all the stuff in between, both good and bad.  They will always answer the phone- no matter what time it is, and know exactly what to say, whatever the situation.    

I have learned so many lessons, and met so many people.  I have lived in 3 different states and supported my husband and our friends through 2 different wars.  The last seven years certainly have not been easy, but I know that I have been made a stronger and better person because of my military family. 

bad blog friend

Ok, somehow October just slipped away.  


Turns out when my husband is NOT deployed I don't have a whole lot to say.  Hmm. I'll come up with something here soon.  


Thoughts, suggestions... anyone?

A double edged sword

Ugh.

(Before I get too far in- let me clarify- I am not complaining, just venting. Anything I say is not meant to offend anyone- just my personal feelings about how things work for me- not anybody else.  And besides, its my blog!)

I'm supposed to be happy when my husband returns from deployment.  And trust me I am.  I am happy that I don't have to worry every day and every night.  I am happy that I don't have to cart my cell phone around everywhere I go, just in case he has a chance to call.  

But I am frustrated, completely conflicted, and absolutely overwhelmed. 

Right now, I am in Virginia.  He is in North Carolina. 

And it completely sucks.  Yes I know it could be worse- it could be opposite coasts, he could still be in Afghanistan, etc.  But by the time he got home, I really thought that we would have things figured out.  He would get off the bus, my bags would be packed, TMO would be ready to roll, and I would have found the perfect job in Jacksonville.  

Well, he got off the bus.  That's about as far as my plan went.  And we all know how I am about planning.  So now that I have this plan in my head- I am furious that NOTHING after step one has gone the way I thought.  

I also know that I need to be patient, that the right job will come along... but its really hard to keep believing that and convincing myself to keep looking when I have been looking for a solid year.  Granted, my heart isn't totally in it, because I have a job.  And I like my job.  I truly enjoy getting up each day and going to work.  I work with great people, there isn't a whole lot of stress involved, and I get stuff done.  I am appreciated and valued.  And I know in the long run I am making a difference.  

When I moved to Jacksonville almost seven years ago, I settled.  I was right out of college, wasn't totally sure what I wanted to do, and I took the first job that I was hired for.  When that didn't work out for me, I took the next job that I could.  Again, wasn't totally what I wanted to do, but I did it because I wanted to work.  I don't want to have to do that again in Jacksonville.  I want to be able to do something that makes me happy, instead of just working because I have to.  I don't feel like I can be the best wife, daughter, sister, friend that I can be if I am completely miserable in my job. 

And that's where the double edged sword comes in.  

I just don't know what to do.  

Do I keep working and doing a job that I enjoy, getting paid what I am worth, and missing my husband so much I can't sleep at night?  Or do I settle for another crap job just because it's a job- and get to be with my husband in North Carolina?

According to the Marine Corps, I am to drop everything on a dime and move wherever they decide they need my husband.  My career just isn't important.  Sometimes I feel like I should have been stripped of my degrees, and everything I value about being myself, to fit in the perfect Stepford mold of being a Marine Corps wife- whatever that is.  

Sometimes I wish I could be happy as a housewife or a mom.  But that's just not me.  I worked my tail off for four and a half years to earn my degree, and I am really proud of that fact.  I wasn't a wife first- I was a college graduate first.  I wish I could be happy with what the Marine Corps thinks will make me happy.  I really do.  Because it sure would make these last few weeks a lot easier.  

But then again- if it were that easy, that would mean (to me) that somewhere in this process I have lost sight of who I truly am, what my values are, and everything that makes me, well, me.  

The one thing I have learned about the Marine Corps is that it has to work for all parties involved.  If this doesn't work for both Randy and myself, then something isn't right.  Right now, we are making it work the best way we know how.  I hate that he has to sacrifice to make this work for me- but that is why I love him.  We both know that in the end the time we spent apart will (hopefully!) be worth it- a great job will come along, and I will be able to move down to North Carolina knowing that I haven't sacrificed myself in the process.  

And in the end, it will only make our relationship stronger and better.  

It's Official- I am a FOUR deployment survivor!

It's OVER!!!!!

Finally, finally, FINALLY, deployment number four is a thing of the PAST.

September 19th ranks right up there with September 25, October 1, and March 21.  All of these days mark the END of our deployments.  Each year when they roll around, they make me smile.  They remind me of what I have accomplished as a Marine Corps wife, and what Randy and I have conquered together.

There are no words to describe seeing those buses pull into the parking lot.  It is the BEST feeling in the world.  (Ask any Marine wife- those buses are the worst, and then the best thing ever!)

And then when you FINALLY- after 206 days- get to see him again- once again, there are no words. 

Good thing for pictures though!!

Every time I look at that picture, the only word that comes to mind is relief.  Relief that we made it through stronger and better, relief that my husband is home safe and sound, and relief that it is over. 

I am so glad I had a photographer there- because honestly, that whole day is a blur.  (Amanda Courtney did a fantastic job- check her out here!  I can't wait to see the rest of our pictures!) 

I was lucky enough to have not only my parents, but my sister and her boyfriend, AND our good friends Nick, Christi, and Christi's adorable little girls to keep me occupied and laughing while we waited a solid three hours.  (Honestly, Christi's girls were waaaay more patient than I was!!)

I think I was much more relaxed this time though because Randy had a cell phone with him and was able to let me know exactly what was going on every step of the way.  He called me when they landed at Cherry Point, when they left, and when they hit certain landmarks on their way back to base.  It definitely made the waiting a lot easier for me. 

It was great to be able to spend that time with everyone- and what I love MOST about our pictures is that our family and friends are in all of our pictures too.  It just makes it even more special for me.  It meant so much to both of us that they took time out of their day to be there.

Funny part about this picture is I honestly do not remember Nick yelling and carrying on like he is.  It's like the entire world froze for that moment, and nothing that was happening around us even mattered. 

I could have stayed right there in that moment forever.  Nothing else mattered- except that Randy and I were together again.

Turns out, seven months is a pretty decent chunk of time.  I accomplished a lot, I kept myself busy, and I learned some things, and was reminded of others.  Now that this deployment is behind us, I can reflect and realize that as much as deployments suck- it will only ever be as bad as you make it.  

I could have sat around and moped and cried and not eaten- but what's the point? It's not going to change anything, and the dog would have starved- she only eats after I eat.  I could have attempted to do every single thing myself- but I realized that it's a lot easier to ask for help, especially if people are offering.  


I was reminded that I am much stronger than I think I am, and that my Marine wife friends are some of the toughest, strongest and most dedicated people I will ever have the privilege of knowing.  I am incredibly lucky to know the women (and I guess the guys too!) that I do-and so thankful to be a part of this crazy Marine Corps family.  

Whew- and I was also reminded what it feels like to breathe.  I'm pretty sure I had been holding my breath since February 25th!

Deployment Goals- the FINAL Update!!

Ok.  Seriously.  Where have the last 29 weeks of my life gone???

Somewhere in the midst of the madness- time has flown by.

And this girl is NOT complaining.

As I type this, my darling dearest is on the move, and I can count on ONE hand the number of days left until I see him again.

The anticipation is just about enough to drive me crazy. 

But regardless of how slowly these next few days drag.... the end result is the same.  Randy will be home, safe and sound.  And deployment number 4 will be behind us. 

I thought now would be a good time to revisit my goals and see where we stand. So here we go:

1.  Pay off my car- still done, and still a great feeling!  I get into my car and say to myself- "Look at me in my paid off car!!" ha!

2.  Get organized, and clean out.  Turns out I was a little more organized than I thought.  This didn't keep me as busy as I had hoped.  I left Randy's uniform closet for him to deal with though- that sucker is a hot mess, and I'd probably get in trouble if I attempted to deal with the uniforms!

3.  Lose 15-20 lbs.  I am down 15 lbs (depending on the day!) since the boy left!

4.  Have a savings acccount again- Mission accomplished!  Although I don't think I saved enough- I always kick myself right about now- and wish I would have done things a little differently and saved some more.  Oh well.  It is what it is!

5.  Have one fun something to look forward to each month- also done!  Thanks to all my fabulous friends and family for keeping me way more occupied than I thought I would be.  It is thanks to you that time has gone by so quickly for me!

6.  Get our cruise booked and paid for- Well.  About that.  It's booked, but I am scared to pay any more on it.  With so much up in the air right now, there is just no telling what January will hold.  So until some decisions have been made, that is on hold for the moment.  Although I am pretty sure we will be able to go.  You just never know what the Marine Corps has in the works for you!

All in all, I feel successful and accomplished. 

Regardless of the outcomes of my goals, the deployment is behind us.  I survived it with my sanity and dignity intact.  I hope I also made it through with a little bit of grace, patience, and understanding. 

But most importantly, Randy is on his way HOME!  What more could I need or want???

I remember, and will never forget.

Today is a day that has changed a lot of things in a lot of different ways. 

It is a day of unspeakable loss and tragedy, and a day of courage and patriotism.

I always remember my parents talking about how they remembered exactly where they were when Kennedy was shot, or when the space shuttle Challenger exploded.  I had hoped that my generation would never have one of those days.  

September 11, 2001 was that day for my generation.

Ten years ago. 

I still remember every single detail of that day like it was yesterday. 

I was a sophomore at Penn State, getting ready for my Political Science class at 10:10 at the Forum.  I watched the Today Show every morning, and was sitting on my floor curling my hair.  I remember the breaking news of a plane hitting one of the towers.  I continued to get ready, and I remember thinking how stupid someone had to be to crash a plane into the towers.  As they continued their coverage, a second plane hit the other tower, and that's when the entire world realized it wasn't just an accident.  I left for my class, knowing at that point that another plane had also crashed into the Pentagon.  I don't think I quite understood everything that was happening, and what it all really meant.

By the time I made it to the Forum, the first tower had collapsed.  Our professor had the TV going in the lecture hall, and announced that class was cancelled.  He told us that we could stay- because we were watching history unfold.  While I sat in that classroom, the second tower collapsed. 

The whole week was a fog of emotions, tears, and sadness.  Penn State held a candlelight vigil on Old Main lawn that Friday.  I think that's when it finally hit me what all had actually happened to our country. 

I could go on and on- because I really do remember every detail of that day.  But this day- September 11- ten years later- is not about me. 

It is about those that had no idea that would be the last time they saw, spoke to, touched their loved ones. 

It is about the innocent lives that were lost at the Pentagon, at the World Trade Center, and in a field in Pennsylvania. 

It is about the families that will forever have an empty seat at the table, and forever have a piece of their heart missing. 

We can never forget the lives lost that day.  We must make sure that the next generation knows of this day, and knows how it changed our lives forever. 

Hopefully, the next generation will never have to face such unspeakable horror, sadness, and tragedy the way we, as a nation, did on September 11, 2001.

We will never forget.

Half a year.

6 months.

26 weeks.

181 days.

That's how long it's been since D-Day.

That seems like an awful long time.  (But really it's not- because if we were Army, we would barely be halfway through a deployment instead of a few weeks away from homecoming.  Remember- it could ALWAYS be worse!)


In that time I have sent 172 letters and at least 50 packages. 

I have received at least 28 phone calls- maybe a couple more, and 12 letters. (He claims some of his letters have gotten "lost in the mail."  Sure they have honey!)

I have enrolled a dog in daycare- which, it turns out, is much like enrolling a child in school.  Visits to the doctor, extra shots, piles of paperwork to fill out.... temperament screenings... and on and on.

I have planned and successfully completed a trip to California.

I have paid off my car.

I have nursed a dog through leg surgery, and lifted the brat  into my car for a trip to the emergency vet.

I have survived a 5.8 magnitude earthquake (ha!) a 4.5 aftershock, and possibly a major hurricane this weekend.

I've been a busy girl!

I still have a few more weeks to go until homecoming, and I am hoping that time will speed up a little bit, although I doubt that very much.  I am trying to stay busy, but this weekend especially, the damn weather seems to have other plans for me.  Thanks, Hurricane Irene.  

On a sidenote- this will be the second hurricane that I have weathered by myself, while the boy was off saving the world.  Two weeks before he came home in 2005, I was in Jacksonville.  We got nailed by Hurricane Ophelia.  That thing stalled off the coast, and it rained for 3 days straight.  I was lucky that I had power the entire time, and had just had a new computer delivered. I believe that the boy's foot locker was shoved through my doorway midway through that storm too.  I'm hoping that I am just as lucky this time around.  Although my plans for the weekend seem to be shot- I was headed up to Baltimore for a Yankees game- I know there are far worse things that I could be dealing with right now.  

Mother Nature apparently wanted month number six to end in style- with earthquakes, hurricanes, and freaky orange skies!

One step closer

This has been one looooong week.

My end-of-deployment insomnia is starting. I don't really know what that's all about- but it happens every deployment.  I think its just sheer excitement keeping me awake at night.

I've also been stressed out a lot lately.  Just a lot on my mind, and the impatience of having to wait until Randy gets home to make plans and decisions is starting to wear on me. 

Anyway, we hit another deployment/homecoming milestone yesterday. 

A pretty big one.  I got a box from Randy! 

I've been looking for this box for the last month.  I don't know what the deal is, but mail from Afghanistan takes forevvvver.  Seriously.  Anything that I've mailed Randy hasn't taken any longer than 2 weeks tops.  But even letter mail that he has sent me has taken up to 6 weeks.  This package was sent out in mid-July.  It took almost 5 weeks to get to me. 

But again, his timing couldn't have been better.  After a long, sucky, stressful week (where once again I swear I've reached my breaking point!)  I pulled into my driveway and noticed a whole heap of boxes on my porch.  (hello, online shopping!)

When I realized that one of the boxes was THE box- I started crying.

Lame, I know.  But that's all I could do was cry.  To know that we are finally at the point in this deployment where he can send stuff home is just HUGE.  

THE box.  And all of the stamps.

 

It's a huge sense of relief-there are things in this box that he just doesn't need anymore- because he will be home soon.  It's really one of my favorite parts of the deployment process.  

The box also had letters and cards in it that I had sent.  (It makes me laugh when I get a box full of mail that I have sent him- I almost wonder what the point is- then I remember how important it is to him!) There were also 2 discs of pictures, and a disc with a video on it he made for me.  Nothing major with the video- just him sitting there talking to me.  But that was the first time I had seen my husband's face in 6 months.  So again- a pretty big deal for this girl!

I sorted through the letters pretty quickly- but one thing stuck out almost immediately.  How many different people had taken the time to send mail to Randy. It made me cry... again.  (Fair warning- the tears will only get worse from here.  The night before Randy comes home I will be a hot mess- there's no doubt about it.  At that point, its mostly the huge sense of relief I feel, and the emotions that have been building for the last 7 months.)

In the last few deployments, people always said they would send Randy stuff, and write him... but for one reason or another, never got around to it.  But this time- I am confident in saying that every single person who told me they would write to Randy, or asked me for his address actually followed through and sent something.  It was completely overwhelming to me to see how many people had taken time out of their day and their hectic crazy lives to put something in the mail for Randy.  It might not seem like a big deal- but to these guys, mail is what keeps them going.  And really, keeps me going too.  It just completely blew me away- and I am so appreciative to each and every person who took time to send a card or a note or a package to Randy... and his guys.  

The support we have had through this deployment has been nothing short of amazing, and we are both so incredibly blessed to have such wonderful friends who stepped up and supported us through this entire process.   

We would not have been as successful as we have been through this deployment if it weren't for you!

Now.... onward to homecoming!!!

The "perfect" homecoming outfit

Tomorrow the search begins.

The search for the perfect homecoming outfit.

My friend Chelsey has been kind enough- or crazy enough- to volunteer to help me with this search.  So tomorrow we are shopping.  I have no idea what exactly I am looking for.  I'm hoping I will know it when I see it.  However, I am confident I know what I am not looking for.

With this being our 4th homecoming, I have really seen it all.  So I have a good idea of what NOT to wear.  (At least for me!)

1. No White.

In 2004, I traveled to Camp Lejeune with Randy's mom, brother, and a couple close family friends of theirs.  We left late Friday night, and he was due home Saturday afternoon.  I got changed in the Burger King bathroom on base.  (Classy, I know.)  I threw on a white tank top and jeans and flip flops.  My goal was to be comfortable- because I knew we would be waiting for quite a while.  That's just what you do at homecoming.  You wait.  And I was- so I succeeded there.  

What I did not factor in was hugs.  

Once the guys got off the bus- I was hugging absolute strangers (who are now like my big brothers).  It was so completely overwhelming to meet all these guys who knew so much about me already- and they all deserved a hug.  My white tank top quickly became covered with gross handprints.  After all, these guys had been at war for 7 months, and hadn't showered in 2 days because they were traveling, and then had just loaded and unloaded all of their gear from the plane into the trucks. 

Lesson learned- No white!!!

2.  No dresses, and no heels.

The girls that wear dresses and/or high heels are brave in my book.  Again- we are standing around waiting for hours.  There are hundreds of family members and friends, and never enough chairs.  Each homecoming I have found myself sitting on a curb, or plopping down in the middle of the sidewalk.  (That is when I'm not frantically pacing with nervousness and excitement!)

There's just no way to be ladylike in a dress and sit on a sidewalk, unless I want the whole world to be up in my business.  (Which believe it or not, I have seen before!)  There is also no way I would risk potentially breaking an ankle running to greet Randy with heels on.  That's why I stick to flip flips.  (I actually wore the exact same pair of flips to our 3 back to back homecomings.  I'm kinda sad they broke and I won't be able to rock them this year.)

I was looking at pictures on a photographer's Facebook page the other day- and one thing stuck out at me when I looked at one homecoming in particular.  This girl's dress was so short, that when she ran and jumped on her husband- her butt was mere centimeters from hanging out.  Um, no thanks.

3. No costumes, or costume accessories.

Don't worry, you read that right.  You'd be surprised what some significant others wear.  I will never- and I mean NEVER- forget this one.  In 2005 Randy came home on October 1st.  I'm not sure if this one wife missed the memo that Halloween was still a few weeks away.  But I remember trying not to stare.  She was wearing one of those headbands that have devil horns on them.  Glittery sequin covered devil horns.  With a red tank top, plaid skirt, fishnets, and thigh high boots.  Completely appropriate for the family atmosphere that homecoming is, right?  To make it even more memorable, she had about 6 kids and a new puppy that ran circles around her for 2 hours straight, while she sat in a chair and smoked a cigarette.  (I am sure some of my LAR ladies remember this!)

I think I'm putting a bit more thought into my outfit this time around because I have hired a photographer to be there.  So I'm figuring that if I'm spending the money for that, I might as well look nice in the pictures!  You can check out my past homecoming outfits here.

So my goal with the perfect homecoming outfit is to be comfortable, look nice, and be appropriate and memorable- but not memorable in a trashy way.  Hopefully this isn't too tall of an order.  I'll let you know how it goes! ;) 

Reinvention

Definition of REINVENT

transitive verb

1: to make as if for the first time something already invented <reinvent the wheel>

 

2: to remake or redo completely 

 

3: to bring into use again 

 

4: what a miltary wife must do when arriving at a new duty station

 

That's what I'm in the process of doing now.  Trying to figure out (again!) what I want to be when I grow up.  

 

It's frustrating enough- but even more frustrating in a place like Jacksonville, North Carolina.  I really love it there.  I do.  But it's not exactly land of 1,000 jobs.  What makes it even more frustrating is that I have a job.  A job that I actually like quite a bit, and has proved to be a great opportunity for me here in Virginia.  

 

What frustrates me even more is that my degrees don't exactly translate into a specific job.  I have a degree in Political Science, and in Journalism.  I wonder if things would be different if I had gotten a degree in something useful- something that actually translated directly into a specific job.  Oh, if only I could go back in time....

 

So on top of finishing up a deployment here soon, we will also be in the process of figuring out what's next.  I have been shocked at how much the boy has talked about getting out of the Marine Corps.  I keep trying to tell him now is not a good time to make any decisions- seriously, who can make a rational decision while in Afghanistan thousands of miles away from home? Of course he hates the Marine Corps and everything that goes along with that!

 

I'm starting to feel a little bit overwhelmed though, and a little bit uncertain.  I don't know what's next, and I can't see beyond homecoming right now.  The following things are weighing heavily on my mind:

 

-Should we get out of the Marine Corps?

-I am a terrible wife for not moving down to Jacksonville and having a house ready for Randy.

-What will I do for a job when/if I move?

-Can I really stomach the thought of another year of voluntary distance from my husband?

-Who in their right mind even thinks its ok to consider another year apart?

-Are they effing serious?! Another deployment?!

-Have I made one right decision to date? Where's the do-over button??

-I feel guilty because Randy won't have a place to go when he gets home.

-Am I letting people (my parents!) down because I haven't gotten the greatest jobs? Are they disappointed that they spent so much money on my college education and there have been too many days since I graduated that I feel like I'm not even using those overrated pieces of paper?

Yes, I know that most, if not all those things on the list are just me being overly emotional, and completely irrational. (Ah, deployments!)

But I just don't know.  And that is scaring the crap out of me.  Plus, it's not like I can even talk to Randy about any of this stuff.  Right now, it's just not important, and it's just going to have to wait a few more weeks.  

I guess I just thought by now things would be clearer and easier and simpler.  But I guess that's just my Pollyanna way of thinking and always hoping for the best.  I know everything will work out exactly how it's supposed to- and I have faith that it will.  It's just a little bit hard right now to see through the clouds and the distance and all the other crap hanging in the way.  

So until it all works out exactly the way it's supposed to, if anyone has a fabulous job opportunity for me in Jacksonville, North Carolina.... send it my way! ;)

 

 

Nerves, Jitters, Anxiety...

Call it what you will, the pre-homecoming whatever is already starting to get to me. 

Every time I even THINK about homecoming, I get butterflies.  I am so excited, and cannot wait to see Randy again.  Then the panic hits me- will I even be able to FIND him??   But then I remind myself that I recognized him from this picture:

So chances are I will be able to find him.  I hope.

*Sidenote and true story- in 2005 I started to have dreams that I wasn't going to be able to find the boy when he got off the bus.  Homecoming is chaos.  About 10 charter buses pull up, and out pours hundreds of marines all wearing the exact same thing- and of course they all wear the same damn sunglasses too!  There are probably thousands of family members standing around in a teeny parking lot- and everyone is trying to find who they belong to.  Well, my dream came true.  I could not find Randy.  I stood there practically in tears- and was looking so far that I didn't even realize he was walking right up to me and standing in front of me.  So now I leave it up to him to find me- because based on what he's told me, he's spotted me each time before the buses are even in the parking lot.  Anyway..... 

Then I get nervous-will I look okay? Will he look okay? Will we be okay??    Then the stress starts- and I start wondering what new battles and demons we will be facing in a few months, or years- if last time was any indication.

So here's how we handle what the Marine Corps refers to as "Return and Reunion".  Well, at least that's what they called it 4 years ago! (Please note, this is just based on my perspective and experience with my Marine- everyone handles deployments differently- so you just need to take it day by day and see how it goes.)

~I've already given most of our family and friends the stupid question speech.  Stupid questions include, but are not limited to, any and all versions of the following:

     

     -Did you kill anyone?

     -Were you scared?

     -What's it like to shoot someone?

     -How did you get a Purple Heart? (this one really only applies in conversations about the first deployment)

     -Did you miss your family?

I think you can kinda see where I am going here.  Randy has, unfortunately, been asked all of the above way too many times.  And when I am around and these questions are asked, please do not be offended if I slap you upside your head.  It is important for these guys to know that they CAN talk to us- but it needs to be on their terms and when they are ready- not when some long lost relative decides they need to know everything now. 

~One of the first things I tell Randy when I actually get to see him is that I will always listen to whatever he wants and needs to tell me.  I am constantly reminding him of this.  It is important for him to know that I am here if he needs to talk.  There are some things I will never know about his time spent at war- and I am okay with that.  But, if the time comes and he does want to tell me- I am more than willing to listen. 

~I expect the unexpected.  Right after Randy returned home in 2004, we were at a mutual friends' wedding reception.  A little kid had gotten hold of a balloon, and popped said balloon.  Randy dropped faster than anything I have ever seen- because that sound of the balloon popping immediately took him back to Iraq- where he was being shot at and things were exploding constantly.  I remember just standing there staring at him- and wondering what the heck had just happened.  There was also a time he woke me up looking for his rifle or K-bar, I can't remember which.  But again, something instantly sent him back to Iraq, and he woke up believing he was there.  

~I ask what he wants to do.  Does he really want to run and see every single family member and friend we have?  Yes they all want to see him- but that is overwhelming for anybody, let alone someone returning from combat.  That's why this time we are having one party at my parents house.  That way everyone will have a chance to see Randy, but will save him from a lot of unnecessary stress and exhaustion.  

~We don't play the "Who Had It Worse" Game.  We both accept the fact that we each had our own sucky experiences and things we had to deal with while we were apart.  We talk about it- but understand that it sucked equally for each of us, obviously in different ways.  While he didn't have to nurse the dog back to health after leg surgery, he did have to be away from us while it all was happening.  Deployments suck for everyone equally, and that's all there is to it.

Here are some helpful things to read for more information:

Return and Reunion- USMC (I just love that this is from 2003....but it's still helpful!)

Real Warriors After Deployment

Military OneSource

http://supportyourvet.org/

Afterdeployment.org

http://www.operationptsd.com/

I can tell you one thing- there were not nearly this many resources and websites available to us 4 years ago.  There is so much information out there- and there are always people to help!

Road Trip!

This weekend was BUSY.  (So busy that I ran myself ragged and caught a cold, but that's another story.)

In my efforts to distract myself during the deployment, this past weekend was my big travel weekend for July.  I was planning on heading home to PA, with stops in Bloomsburg for a baby shower for one of my oldest friends (old as in people I have known the longest- since we were almost 5!), and State College to visit some of our closest friends.   I knew it was going to be an exhausting weekend, so I planned to leave work early, so I could be home by dinnertime.  I wanted to have at least a little down time at home.

Turns out those pesky deployment gods had other plans for me.  

My route home has been the same since I moved to North Carolina 6 years ago.  95 North to 476 to the Northeast Extension of the PA Turnpike.  I've driven that route a LOT.  Never in the last 6 years have I had one problem once I hit the turnpike.  This time was different.

While I was on 476, I saw a sign announcing that the NE Ext was CLOSED. 

CLOSED?!?!

(Insert complete and utter panic mode/meltdown here) 

Anybody want to take bets on who I called??  Oh, you guessed it.  Daddy saves the day again!

He, with the help of my mom and 2 of the guys he works with, proceeded to reroute me through Philadelphia so I could make it home.   I was slightly less than thrilled that I had to drive through Philly, but the alternative of sitting in traffic and waiting for the Turnpike to reopen was even less appealing.

So off I went.

Temple University.  My sister went here for a few semesters, so thankfully I was slightly familiar with the area.

We go from city to country in about 20 miles.  This was along the Delaware River.

 
Needless to say, I arrived home well past dinner.  As stressful and as LONG as it was, I was happy to be home in one piece.  My usual 4-5 hour trip home took me 8 hours, thanks to 611 north.  I did get a phone call from Randy though while I was driving, so that was a welcome distraction, and he definitely had me cracking up and feeling slightly less sorry for myself by the time we hung up. 

When I got home, I pretty much walked into the looney bin.  My dad was holding a colander and a flashlight, and my mom was equipped with a headlamp and a laser pointer.  Apparently a toad had hopped into our garage, and being the animal lovers that we are, none of us could bear to see him perish.  So we went on a toad hunt. 

That bright yellow thing in my dad's hand is the colander.  I didn't help much, I mostly just drank my beer and took pictures.  It was definitely the laugh I needed after a ridiculous ride home!!

There is truly never a dull moment with my family.

I crashed early that night, and was up early the next morning for the next leg of my trip-  Caroline's baby shower.  I am still in shock that she is having a baby- but so excited for her and the entire family! I rode out to Bloomsburg with my sister, which was so nice, because we had a chance to chat and catch up.  It also made me realize (again!) how much I miss her! 

Me, Caroline, and Sara.  We have a picture of the 3 of us together from each of our bridal showers, weddings, and now baby showers.  These girls are some of my dearest friends, and they are like sisters to me!!

Straight from the shower I headed out to State College.  I am lucky that I still have some very close friends out there, and was happy to have a chance to see them.  It was so nice to just sit and relax and catch up on their deck.  The only thing missing was Randy- although I'm not sure we would have had a quiet, relaxing evening if he were there... ha! ;)

me and Sophia!

 Isn't Sophia the sweetest??? I just adore her, and love being able to spend some time with her.  

All in all, I traveled just under 800 miles this weekend.  But I would do it again in a second.  

I had such a great weekend, and got to see so many great friends- who again reminded me what a great support system I have when Randy is away.  

Oh! I almost forgot the best part- by the time this weekend was said and done, it was officially AUGUST- which means I can finally say I will see my guy NEXT month!!!  

5 months down!!!

Yep, its true! FIVE months BEHIND us!!!!!!!!!!

That's a WHOLE hand!!!!

That, my friends, is a BIG deal!!! 

This last month has been so emotionally exhausting.  Which, honestly, is not too much of a surprise to me.  The summer months of a deployment-for whatever reason- are always hard.  The days are longer, there seems to be more "action"- which results in more injuries, and more.... well, I don't even like to say it.  But this deployment has unfortunately kept in line with our past summer deployments.  So that has definitely made this last month harder.  Even harder than past deployments though, because we have so many close friends deployed right now- and to hear of things happening to friends of our friends- ugh.  It's just hard for everyone.

On top of that- there was all this nonsense with miss Mocha- but she is well on her way to a FULL recovery- in fact, she is recovering better than I had hoped.  At our 2 week post-op checkup, we got a wonderful report.  Dr. Farthing could hardly believe that it had only been 2 weeks since her surgery, because she is healing up so well, and already putting weight on her leg.  The incision is healing well- but she does still have a pretty sizable scar on her leg.  I guess she will never be a show dog! ;)  So hearing that good report definitely took some stress off of me, and I honestly didn't realize how much it had affected me until it wasn't there to bother me anymore.  I've been sleeping a lot better, and the day after that appointment, Randy called, and he commented that I sounded relieved.  Which I was! This dog drama has been ongoing since May 3rd- that's a long time with a pretty constant amount of stress on me.  BUT- it's all in the past now, and we made it through!

I think time is also starting to drag a little bit for Randy- which is hard and frustrating for me.  As much as I try to stay upbeat and positive, its hard when there's not much I can do to help the time pass for him over there.  We just have to take it one day at a time, and handle whatever is thrown at us.  

On a happier note- we are starting to hear rumors.  Great rumors really- of mail cutoff, of ADVON dates (ADVON is a group of about 100 Marines that come home 3-4 weeks before the rest of the unit to get stuff set up for everyone else), and hopefully within the next week, we will have solid post-deployment leave dates.  AND- on Friday Randy put some stuff in the mail.  When he starts sending stuff home- that REALLY means that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and I can start getting myself excited about Homecoming.   Pshhh.... who am I kidding?!  I've been excited about homecoming for about 3 months now! 

Looking forward, I am excited that the number of weekends I have to keep myself busy can now be counted on just 2 hands.  And I have a LOT to keep me busy!  I think there are only about 4 weekends that I don't have anything going on.  I need to go shopping soon though- for the elusive "perfect homecoming outfit!" I might need several weekends for that!!!