Reinvention

Definition of REINVENT

transitive verb

1: to make as if for the first time something already invented <reinvent the wheel>

 

2: to remake or redo completely 

 

3: to bring into use again 

 

4: what a miltary wife must do when arriving at a new duty station

 

That's what I'm in the process of doing now.  Trying to figure out (again!) what I want to be when I grow up.  

 

It's frustrating enough- but even more frustrating in a place like Jacksonville, North Carolina.  I really love it there.  I do.  But it's not exactly land of 1,000 jobs.  What makes it even more frustrating is that I have a job.  A job that I actually like quite a bit, and has proved to be a great opportunity for me here in Virginia.  

 

What frustrates me even more is that my degrees don't exactly translate into a specific job.  I have a degree in Political Science, and in Journalism.  I wonder if things would be different if I had gotten a degree in something useful- something that actually translated directly into a specific job.  Oh, if only I could go back in time....

 

So on top of finishing up a deployment here soon, we will also be in the process of figuring out what's next.  I have been shocked at how much the boy has talked about getting out of the Marine Corps.  I keep trying to tell him now is not a good time to make any decisions- seriously, who can make a rational decision while in Afghanistan thousands of miles away from home? Of course he hates the Marine Corps and everything that goes along with that!

 

I'm starting to feel a little bit overwhelmed though, and a little bit uncertain.  I don't know what's next, and I can't see beyond homecoming right now.  The following things are weighing heavily on my mind:

 

-Should we get out of the Marine Corps?

-I am a terrible wife for not moving down to Jacksonville and having a house ready for Randy.

-What will I do for a job when/if I move?

-Can I really stomach the thought of another year of voluntary distance from my husband?

-Who in their right mind even thinks its ok to consider another year apart?

-Are they effing serious?! Another deployment?!

-Have I made one right decision to date? Where's the do-over button??

-I feel guilty because Randy won't have a place to go when he gets home.

-Am I letting people (my parents!) down because I haven't gotten the greatest jobs? Are they disappointed that they spent so much money on my college education and there have been too many days since I graduated that I feel like I'm not even using those overrated pieces of paper?

Yes, I know that most, if not all those things on the list are just me being overly emotional, and completely irrational. (Ah, deployments!)

But I just don't know.  And that is scaring the crap out of me.  Plus, it's not like I can even talk to Randy about any of this stuff.  Right now, it's just not important, and it's just going to have to wait a few more weeks.  

I guess I just thought by now things would be clearer and easier and simpler.  But I guess that's just my Pollyanna way of thinking and always hoping for the best.  I know everything will work out exactly how it's supposed to- and I have faith that it will.  It's just a little bit hard right now to see through the clouds and the distance and all the other crap hanging in the way.  

So until it all works out exactly the way it's supposed to, if anyone has a fabulous job opportunity for me in Jacksonville, North Carolina.... send it my way! ;)