Call it what you will, the pre-homecoming whatever is already starting to get to me.
Every time I even THINK about homecoming, I get butterflies. I am so excited, and cannot wait to see Randy again. Then the panic hits me- will I even be able to FIND him?? But then I remind myself that I recognized him from this picture:
So chances are I will be able to find him. I hope.
*Sidenote and true story- in 2005 I started to have dreams that I wasn't going to be able to find the boy when he got off the bus. Homecoming is chaos. About 10 charter buses pull up, and out pours hundreds of marines all wearing the exact same thing- and of course they all wear the same damn sunglasses too! There are probably thousands of family members standing around in a teeny parking lot- and everyone is trying to find who they belong to. Well, my dream came true. I could not find Randy. I stood there practically in tears- and was looking so far that I didn't even realize he was walking right up to me and standing in front of me. So now I leave it up to him to find me- because based on what he's told me, he's spotted me each time before the buses are even in the parking lot. Anyway.....
Then I get nervous-will I look okay? Will he look okay? Will we be okay?? Then the stress starts- and I start wondering what new battles and demons we will be facing in a few months, or years- if last time was any indication.
So here's how we handle what the Marine Corps refers to as "Return and Reunion". Well, at least that's what they called it 4 years ago! (Please note, this is just based on my perspective and experience with my Marine- everyone handles deployments differently- so you just need to take it day by day and see how it goes.)
~I've already given most of our family and friends the stupid question speech. Stupid questions include, but are not limited to, any and all versions of the following:
-Did you kill anyone?
-Were you scared?
-What's it like to shoot someone?
-How did you get a Purple Heart? (this one really only applies in conversations about the first deployment)
-Did you miss your family?
I think you can kinda see where I am going here. Randy has, unfortunately, been asked all of the above way too many times. And when I am around and these questions are asked, please do not be offended if I slap you upside your head. It is important for these guys to know that they CAN talk to us- but it needs to be on their terms and when they are ready- not when some long lost relative decides they need to know everything now.
~One of the first things I tell Randy when I actually get to see him is that I will always listen to whatever he wants and needs to tell me. I am constantly reminding him of this. It is important for him to know that I am here if he needs to talk. There are some things I will never know about his time spent at war- and I am okay with that. But, if the time comes and he does want to tell me- I am more than willing to listen.
~I expect the unexpected. Right after Randy returned home in 2004, we were at a mutual friends' wedding reception. A little kid had gotten hold of a balloon, and popped said balloon. Randy dropped faster than anything I have ever seen- because that sound of the balloon popping immediately took him back to Iraq- where he was being shot at and things were exploding constantly. I remember just standing there staring at him- and wondering what the heck had just happened. There was also a time he woke me up looking for his rifle or K-bar, I can't remember which. But again, something instantly sent him back to Iraq, and he woke up believing he was there.
~I ask what he wants to do. Does he really want to run and see every single family member and friend we have? Yes they all want to see him- but that is overwhelming for anybody, let alone someone returning from combat. That's why this time we are having one party at my parents house. That way everyone will have a chance to see Randy, but will save him from a lot of unnecessary stress and exhaustion.
~We don't play the "Who Had It Worse" Game. We both accept the fact that we each had our own sucky experiences and things we had to deal with while we were apart. We talk about it- but understand that it sucked equally for each of us, obviously in different ways. While he didn't have to nurse the dog back to health after leg surgery, he did have to be away from us while it all was happening. Deployments suck for everyone equally, and that's all there is to it.
Here are some helpful things to read for more information:
Return and Reunion- USMC (I just love that this is from 2003....but it's still helpful!)
I can tell you one thing- there were not nearly this many resources and websites available to us 4 years ago. There is so much information out there- and there are always people to help!
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