My Abbie

Abbie
April 23, 2002- June 28, 2011

Yesterday just sucked.  There's really no other word to describe it. 

My dad called me at 7:14 yesterday morning to let me know that they had to put our sweet Abbie girl to sleep the night before. 

It came as a huge shock to all of us- I'm still in shock for that matter.  She was being treated for what we all thought was a bladder infection.  But Monday night, she started collapsing and was having trouble breathing.  When my parents rushed her to the emergency vet, the vet told them that she had a cancerous tumor that had ruptured, filling her belly with blood, and causing her to collapse and have a hard time breathing.  They had 2 options- emergency surgery to remove the tumor, and give Abbie maybe 6 months tops, or to put her to sleep, so she didn't have to suffer.  

They chose to put her to sleep- which I am sure was an incredibly hard decision for them to make.  

So now, we 4 are just sad.  Well, 5, if you include poor Milo, who just lost his best friend, but doesn't really understand what the heck is going on.  He's our family cat- and he and Miss Abbie got along so well- and were always playing and wrestling and chasing each other around the house.   

It's hard to explain how I'm feeling- but if you have a dog, you totally understand.  I truly feel like I just lost one of my closest friends, a part of my family, and I am just completely heartbroken.

We got Abbie the summer between my sophomore and junior year of college.  She was teeny when we brought her home- only 6 weeks old.  She was also a 3-1 decision, just like our first German Shepherd Saxony had been.  Except it was a different 3-1.... it was Mommy, Liz, and me versus Daddy.  Liz and I won again.   She was a family summer project.  We all helped train her, housebreak her... you name it, we raised this puppy together.

She was our baby, which of course turned her into a 75 pound mush.  She always was more afraid of her own shadow than anybody could possibly be of her.  (Are we seeing a trend with how we Sedlaks' raise our dogs.... they are all huge babies!)

We all spoiled her rotten- and treated her like a part of our family.  I swear that dog could understand every word you said to her.... well at least she looked at you like she did.  No matter how bad of a day any of us were having, all it took was one look at Abbie, and she would come over and lick your face- whether you wanted her to or not.  She was just the sweetest girl- and loved all of us completely unconditionally.

I think that's really the wonderful thing about having a pet- dogs or cats- they just love you.  No matter what, they just love you for you.  The tradeoff of that unconditional love is the hurt we all feel right now... which just hurts.  No way around it really.  

I googled a bunch of quotes before, trying to find the right words to describe how I'm feeling, and how much I'm already missing Abbie girl.  Here are a few of my favorites: 


"I think dogs are the most amazing creatures; they give unconditional love. For me they are the role model for being alive."
     -Gilda Radner


"He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion."
     -Unknown


"If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went."
     -Unknown



"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
     -Roger Caras



"My goal in life is to become as wonderful as my dog thinks I am."
     -Toby & Eileen Green

I come and go a lot now from my parents's house these days.  Every time I leave, my parents and Abbie stand in the garage and watch me back out of the driveway.  When I went home for my mom's retirement party last month, I remember looking at Abbie, and thinking that was going to be the last time I saw her.  I couldn't shake that feeling my entire trip back down to Virginia. 

I think I will always have a bit of regret that I wasn't there with Abbie when my parents made the decision to put her to sleep.  But I know she is happier now, and not hurting anymore, and I'm taking comfort in that. 

I have this mental picture of Abbie and Saxony playing together, wherever they are, waiting for the rest of us to join them.  And that is also a huge comfort to me.