Too Much Time to Think.

That was the story of my life this weekend.  

Too much time to think is a bad thing for a girl whose husband is deployed.  

Too much time to play the what if game... to miss him... to wonder what he's doing at that very second.

I guess I'm lucky though.  This is the first weekend I've not been very busy, which of course led to me thinking.

I tried to distract myself by reading a book.  I finished one, and started and finished a second.  I ran a ton of errands that have been piling up and I've been meaning to do for a while.  I took the dog for a walk (don't tell Dr. Farthing- Mocha is supposed to be "resting"- but again, she didn't get that memo!) I tried to get sucked into mindless TV- Hello Mob Wives.... but nothing could distract me and keep my mind busy.

I had all these weird emotions welling up too, but most of the time, I just kinda felt empty inside.  I felt lonely, jealous, sad, angry, envious, mad, discouraged... you name it, I'm pretty sure I felt it this weekend.  

Now, I don't want everyone to freak out and worry about me- because I am OK.  It's just been a weird couple weeks, with everything going on with the dog, and Osama bin Laden being killed, and just all these stupid, strange things that happened at once.  I also think I am overly emotional because I will be heading home to PA this weekend for the first time this deployment.  My first trip home since Christmas, and my first trip home without Randy.

I'm also just emotionally exhausted, and ready for this damn deployment to be over already.  We've had a lot of friends come home from their deployments in the last few weeks, and that's made it a little bit harder.  I am so incredibly happy for them, and for their families, but... blah.  It's just hard, and even harder to explain.  I just want that to be me already!!!

But- as I've learned, and as my wonderful friends have reminded me- this is just a blip.  A small bump in the road that I will get through.  

I am positive that I will feel better tomorrow, and I will be back on track and back to feeling that I can kick this deployment's ass.