2 months in- Update

This week marks 2 months down in the deployment!

I actually can't believe how fast the month of April has flown by.  I'm loving it, because each day is just that much closer to homecoming.  I'm much busier than I thought I would be, and my friends and family have been great in making sure I stay that way.  I already have plans for every single weekend in May, and I think August is the only month where I don't have something already planned that I'm looking forward to.  Staying busy is definitely the key to success for me!

I'm also- strangely- not as worried as I thought I would be.  The first couple weeks were rough, just because Randy and I were both worried and nervous about how he would react to being back "in country" and having to go out on patrols again.  We weren't sure if any of those things would be a possible trigger to his PTSD.  But once he called and told me that he had gone out on the first patrol and felt great afterwards, I knew I could breathe again and spend less time worrying about him. 

Randy is doing really well.  He's able to call once a week, and up until a few days ago, I was getting emails from him pretty regularly as well.  (Apparently though someone ruined the email privileges for everyone- thanks...)  Everything as far as communication is way better than we thought it would be.  When he left, we thought he might be able to call monthly, if we were lucky.  As far as I'm aware, there isn't a whole lot happening in the area where they are.  Each time I talk to him, he tells me that its quiet, and nothing is going on.  But, he knows that I function better when I don't necessarily know every single detail.  Ignorance is bliss for me when it comes to deployments!  He is journaling this deployment though, and I am pretty excited to read what he has written once he gets home.

The hardest thing for me to deal with so far though has been the guilt.  I feel guilty that I'm eating decent food, hanging out in air conditioning, even spending time with Mocha, because these are all things he doesn't get to enjoy for a few more months.  I also feel a pang of guilt when I catch myself having fun- or laughing too hard, or when a movie preview comes on for something I know we would go see together.  Blah- I know Randy doesn't want me to feel that way.  But there are moments when I just can't help it, because I just miss him, and it frustrates me that we had 3 years of shared experiences- and now I am back to a life (for 7 months at least) where I have to do it all on my own, and have my own experiences again.  I have my moments- but I know that each day only makes me stronger, and makes our marriage stronger.  Each day- good, bad, terrible- only brings me closer to homecoming. 

Here are some pictures I got in an email a few weeks ago:

Randy and his squad- with an Eagle Valley Beverage t-shirt! (that's where my dad works, for those that don't know)

Randy- just chillin in Afghanistan!

His desk and storage area