Happy 237th Birthday Marines!

(Yes, I know, the actual birthday was on the 10th.  But since we aren't celebrating until tomorrow, I still get to use that title.)

Tomorrow night, I will put on a fancy dress, uncomfortable heels, and strut my stuff at our battalion's birthday ball.  I honestly am not sure there is any other branch of the military that celebrates their "birthday" the way the Marine Corps does, but it sure is fun.  It is the one night of the year in the Marine Corps that is really just fun.... mandatory fun yes... but still just fun.  

There is a lot of ceremony and tradition, and some somber moments of reflection and remembrance.  The ceremony reminds us what it means to be a part of the family that is the Marine Corps, and how truly important our Marines' roles are in protecting our country. (And, a handful of days after finding out that deployment #5 is official, it will be good for me to have this reminder.)

It also makes for some fantastic people watching.....ha!  (Gold lame' mini anybody?!)

This year will be my 9th ball.  I've actually been to more than the boy has.  The year he was deployed, the unit that was tasked with keeping an eye on us invited all the spouses to their ball.  So I took my sister as a date, and we had a fun girls night with all the other ladies. 

So here's a look back at us at Birthday Balls of the past:

2004

 This was our very first ball! The boy had gotten home from Iraq about 5 weeks earlier. I flew down from Penn State, and the drastic change in weather gave me a cold.  This was also my first experience with Marine wives- I will never forget the one wife who felt it necessary to show me that she was in fact duct taped into her dress!

2005

2006

With my baby sister! She was sweet enough to fly down to North Carolina and we had a blast!

2007

Our first ball at Quantico.  Obviously a bit intoxicated, and the woman that did my hair sprayed me with glitter before I could protest... bleh.

2008

This is my fave!

2009

Drunk again... ha!

2010

Birthday ball.....in the gym.  And dress recycling!

2011

So there ya go- the years in review.  There is obviously some drinking, lots of fun, and plenty of great memories each year.  It is such a fun, special night for us all- and it never hurts to be in a room surrounded by Marines in dress blues!

It's a part of this life

Well.

I've had 2 beers, 3 meltdowns, and my eyes are just about swollen shut.  But I still haven't completely wrapped my brain around this latest bit of news.

 Come spring  2013, the boy will be deploying for a fifth time.

5 deployments.  Seriously??

Before you say anything, let me tell you what I do know at this very moment in time:
 -I know that this is always a possibility, being married to an infantry Marine during a time of global upheaval and conflict.
-I know that there are good things, and that I will find the positive in all this.
-I know that this will be good for his career and his new rank.
-I know that it is NOT a combat deployment.... at least today it isn't.
-I know that this will be the worst that I feel, with the exception of the day he actually leaves.
-I know that I am allowed to feel exactly how I am feeling at this very second.  I deserve a chance to wallow in absolute self pity, and feel incredibly sorry for myself. (I also know, that because this is the 5th time that my husband has had to call and tell me that he is deploying, that this too shall pass.)

But I just don't want to play Pollyanna right now.  I am emotionally exhausted for so many reasons, and I just want a chance to feel sorry for myself.  It is rare that I allow that to happen, because I just refuse to dwell on all the negative in my life.

Deployments are a part of this life.  

Yes, I knew that.  Yes, the boy knew that.  It still does not make it one bit easier.  Deployments are never easy.  If they were, I would seriously question why I continue to stick around to put myself through this.  Deployments are hard, and test you in ways that you never dreamed you would be tested and challenged.  I hate every last second of having to be away from my husband. 

I have very mixed emotions right now, and I am angry at anyone and anything that happens to cross my path.  I apologize for that- but at the same time, I just cannot help myself.  I am once again having some feelings of regret, and wondering what if we had made different choices at step 1, 12, or 2597.  There's no point in looking backward though.  I know it doesn't make a lot of sense, but that's how I feel.  All I want is to live with my husband again and be "normal".  I honestly didn't think that was too much to ask, but apparently when the USMC is involved, it is.

So, tomorrow I will wake up, put on my big girl panties and my superhero cape, and keep leading the life that I have chosen.  The boy will deploy in March whether I like it or not, whether I stick out my tongue and stomp my foot, whether I think it's unfair or not right.  Nothing will stop the clock, so I will embrace it as best I can.

This is a part of this life, and it is what I have chosen.  Good, bad, indifferent or otherwise.  It just doesn't matter.  Deployment number 5 is here to stay, and despite our best efforts, it is happening.  

I will keep telling myself that, but it doesn't mean that the pit in my stomach and the lump in my throat will go away any faster.

Vote!

This is the 4th Presidential Election that I have had the privilege and duty of voting in.

I have never gotten one of those fun little stickers though, because I have always voted by absentee ballot.  In 2000 and 2004 I was a Penn State student.  In 2008 and now in 2012 I am a military spouse.

But that hasn't stopped me.  This year I requested my absentee ballot on the very first day Pennsylvania allowed you to request ballots.  I sent it back within 2 days, and felt... proud? happy? excited? All of the above really.

It is really an honor for me to be able to exercise my right to vote, a right that my husband has fought to protect.  (Yes I know I am dragging my military spouseness into this, but hey, its true!)  

This is going to be short and to the point- make sure that you exercise your right to vote tomorrow.  I am not so concerned with the who part- although I think everyone knows that there is a particular candidate I prefer more than another- but you need to get out there and vote.  

It is incredibly important.  Men and women have died protecting our freedom to vote.

It is our right, responsibility, duty, and honor as an American.  

DO IT!