The verdict is in

After 20 weeks and 2 days of wondering, we have our answer.

I wish I had better news.  

The boy's package for recruiting has officially been denied.  We expected it, after it was disapproved a few weeks back at step 3 of the process, but it doesn't mean it sucked any less to hear the actual answer.

I'm relieved that we have an answer- because the stress of not knowing and playing the "what if" game was getting exhausting.  (If I were the type of person who didn't eat when she was stressed, I probably would have lost a decent amount of weight in the last 5 months.  Instead.... I am a stress eater... and I am up a few pounds.  I am totally holding the Marine Corps responsible for that one!) 

On a positive-ish note, he does still have the option to extend until his 10 year mark (July 2013.)  All he has to do is sign a paper, and that is pretty much a done deal.  At this point though, I'm just so bitter... and drained... and emotionally exhausted.  Maybe we have given the Marine Corps all we have to offer... and really, what's the point of just putting off the inevitable? 

The boy does still have one more chance to stay in- he needs to be "selected" for Staff Sergeant.  But that is a very competitive, very long process.... and again, because of the drawdown, the number of people being selected is tiny.  (It is a heck of a lot more complicated than that- with zones, numbers, and all sorts of crap- but I barely understand it and won't bore you with too much jargon and acronyms.)  We will find out about that in September- actually, just about a month from now.

If he is selected, not only is he able to stay in until retirement, but he also can resubmit his package for recruiting.

I'm not counting on it though.  After all the disappointment we have already been handed this year, courtesy of the USMC, as far as I am concerned, as of July (if he does extend) we are done with the Marine Corps.  I know- I should try to stay positive, but I have stayed positive through a lot, and seem to still wind up in tears, with a pit in my stomach.  At this point, it is better for me (and my sanity) to convince myself of worst case scenario than continue to have hope.  That way I can be pleasantly surprised instead of terribly disappointed.... again.  

So... we are waiting again.  By our 5 year anniversary on October 6th, we should finally have a better idea of what the future holds.  Until then, we just have to wait and see.

A day in the park

 

(I started working on this post about a month ago already- and then life got in the way!)

Last week, I was supervising the installation of bricks for the Foundation's engraved brick program.  

 

We are working on a new section of trails, and for the second time since these new trail markers were installed, I couldn't help but stand there and stare.

 

A new trail marker in Semper Fidelis Memorial Park

For about 3 years of my life (in seven month increments), whenever I heard Anbar Province, Fallujah, Ramadi, or Rutbah mentioned in the news or in a conversation, it would make my heart stop and my stomach turn.  (I don't know Afghanistan nearly as well, and honestly, I never really bothered to learn many names.)  To this day, whenever I hear or see the names of these places in Iraq, it brings back a flood of memories- worry, tears, frustration, and confusion. It also of course reminds me of how much I have learned in the last 9 years... and just how much a person can handle. 

When I found out that the new trail segments in the park were going to be named for different battles or conflicts that the Marine Corps has been involved in, I thought it was pretty cool.  I didn't really realize that battles and conflicts would be places that I know, and periods of time that I've lived through.  These places that are just names to some are places where my husband and our friends lived for months at a time.  It is where they fought and defended our freedom, and where too many died protecting our freedom.  It's a very strange thing when all of a sudden you realize that your history- at least the last 9 years- is forever interwoven with the history of the Marine Corps... for that matter, the history of our country.

I am over at the museum a lot.  I see a lot of veterans walking around with their families and friends- sharing with them what they experienced in World War II, Korea, and Vietnam.  It surprises me every time I realize that someday, that will be us.  We will be sharing history as we know it with our families and friends.

Waiting games

And so we wait.

And wait.

And then hurry up and wait.  

Lots of things are still in a holding pattern- no decisions can truly be made until we get word from HQMC to let us know if his package for recruiting really is completely denied.  (There is a chance that HQMC will tell us it is approved- but it is a teeny chance that we are not counting on.)

It is frustrating and exhausting, but at least once the decision comes down, we can (well mostly he can!) jump into action and do what needs to be done.  We are hoping that the boy will be given the chance to extend until his 10 year mark- which is July of 2013.  That would at least give us some more time to get our acts together and have a little bit of a smoother transition out of the Marine Corps.  

I'm still holding out hope that we will get to stay in.  I'm hoping that everything works out- that he will be approved to go recruiting, he will be promoted, and perhaps I will get that road trip to California... with 2 cats and a dog in tow of course. 

I know that's probably a lot of wishful thinking... but a girl can dream.  I'm remaining cautiously optimistic at this point.  It's been a rough year... so I'm hoping that something will go our way.

Regardless of the outcome though, I know that everything happens for a reason, and that everything will work out exactly how it is supposed to.

Until that time comes, we wait.  

Have I mentioned lately how impatient I am?!

What a week.

I have never been so happy to put a week behind me.  

This past Tuesday, we found out that the boy's package to extend in the Marine Corps to go recruiting was not being recommended for approval.  


Essentially, that means that as of October 6th, we are done with the Marine Corps. Unless he decides to deploy again (number 5 if you are keeping track)- which is something neither one of us is really ready for again.  

Finished- end of story.  

To say we were disappointed was definitely an understatement.  Devastated would really probably be a better word.  


My biggest concern was for the boy- he has only ever wanted to be a Marine.  And, in my opinion at least, he is a pretty darn good Marine.  To find out that that was all being taken away from him really hurt... and frustrated me.


After the devastation went away... a bit.... the panic started to set in.  The reality of no more Marine Corps.  The realization of how much we were really losing in this situation.  


Obviously, the first would be stability- guaranteed paycheck and benefits.  Gone.


Then the random things started flying through my head- he and I are both still residents of PA- the military allows us to retain residency in our home state- our cars and insurance are still PA.  I started crying when I realized that I would have to be a resident of Virginia.  I don't want to be a resident of Virginia!


Then the really silly things- no more dressing up once a year for the birthday ball, no more pictures of the boy in his dress blues for random events.... no more moving every 3 years... No chance of a road trip while PCSing across the country...no possible chance of living in California with a view of the ocean from my windows... just gone.  All of it yanked away with one signature by one person at HQMC who doesn't even know what a fantastic Marine my husband is.  


Every time I thought of something else we would be losing, or giving up... it started a new round of hysterics and panic.  (The hysterics and panic and anger were a bit worse when I realized that this is the second time the Marine Corps has taken away my hopes of going back to State College and being close to friends and family again.)



Yes, I know we have options.  Yes I know everything will work out.  I know everything happens for a reason.  I understand why the numbers across the Marine Corps are being cut and why we are being downsized.  But it sucks when you thought everything was figured out and everything was as stable as it could be for having the military a part of your life.  And it sucks when all of that is snatched away and you are stuck, for a few minutes at least, playing the what if game.  


We got some better news yesterday though, thanks to someone who was actually doing his job as a career planner.  There's a chance that we might still have a future in the Marine Corps... but it would mean more time apart in the immediate future.  We will sit down and talk and weigh our options this weekend.  While I hate the thought of pushing into a third year of living apart... we ultimately need to look to the future and see what we need to do to get to where we want to be.  


At the very least, this past week has taught me that unfortunately, the military isn't a guarantee anymore... for anybody.  We need to be much more prepared than we were (are!) for all of it being taken away.  I need to stay on top of things- and make a list of all the "guarantees" we have in the military.  That way if this situation comes up again, I will be better prepared and not instantly enter into a state of shock and panic.  I will be able to react- and just get things done.  


9 years in... and I am still learning.  This might be the most important lesson the Marine Corps has taught me.  For the next few weeks, I will be hoping for the best, but expecting... and preparing... for the worst.


Stay tuned!