Halfway... and Halfway?

Shew... this picture kinda takes my breath away.

Yesterday, July 6, was the 4 month mark in this deployment.  Which... hopefully... is the halfway mark. (But I'm not holding my breath- it seems that the world is just on the brink of something- and I am none too thrilled about it!)

Today, July 7, means that Randy has been in the Marine Corps for 10 years.  

10 years down- 10 years to go.  

Double. freaking. digits.  

How in the WORLD did that happen?  I've had conversations with girls whose husbands have been in for 2 years.  I remember when we were in for 2 years!  That was just yesterday wasn't it?  I remember talking to wives whose husbands had been in for 10 years.  They were OLD, weren't they?!

But then I remember:

     -5 deployments
     
     -4 homecoming hugs (waiting for number 5!)
     
      -3 PCS moves
     
      -A wedding planned in the middle of deployment number 3 
     
     -A geo-bachelor duty station (finally coming to an end!)

     -3 sweet furbabies

And enough friendships, experiences, fabulous trips, tears, and lessons learned to last a lifetime.  

And yet... that's only the first 10 years.  It has been quite a ride, and I am so excited to see what the second half will bring us.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This past month has been a bit emotionally exhausting.  As usual for this deployment though, it really had nothing to do with the actual deployment.  It turns out that the right decisions are usually the hardest to make, and this month I made a right decision.  I am moving back to North Carolina. 

I'm slightly terrified... but overwhelmingly excited.  As are all my friends and family- who have been incredibly supportive, which made me feel so much better about everything.  I have been in Stafford for 6 years now- so making this decision to move smack in the middle of a deployment and leave all that is known and stable was a bit of a crazy move on my part.  But my gut- and my heart- are telling me it's the right thing, so here we go!  I apologize in advance for those that might already be sick of the pictures and posts concerning the move- but since Randy is out of the loop these days, I will be documenting this as much as I can so he doesn't feel completely left out.  Although- I think secretly he is happy he is on a boat and doesn't have to help me move.  Ha!

Month 4 highlights:

     -decisions made!  Whew- what a relief!  The plan going forward is to move to NC, then wait for orders.  We are still hoping to go recruiting next summer, so there is a strong possibility I will be in NC for less than a year!

     -Road trip home to PA.  Lots of time spent with Randy's family- which was fantastic.  It is so nice to be welcomed with open arms- even with the boy halfway around the world.  I also got to snuggle my sweet little niece- who is all smiles- all the time!

     -Housing chosen, move arranged.  (In 2 days- which I do believe is a USMC miracle of sorts!)

     -Randy got a new job!! I am super proud of him and so excited- this is definitely a long time coming, and so well deserved.  He is now the CAAT 2 section leader- whatever that means.  I do know that he is excited, and learning a lot himself.  He is responsible for Marines again- which is all he really wants!

Whew- it's been a pretty busy first half of this deployment.  Month number 5 will certainly fly by- and I am really looking forward to that!  

Now I can officially say that we have MORE time behind us than in front of us- now THAT is a great feeling!!




 

A Leap of Faith and a Big Decision

I am a planner.

I am logical and organized.  

I research, and carefully plan my next step... then I over-analyze and doubt my decision.

But this time, for some reason, I'm not doubting this decision.  I am taking a huge leap of faith, a shot in the dark... whatever cliche' is appropriate.

In just about 3 weeks, I am moving back to North Carolina. 

My trip to California 2 months ago made me realize that I am just not happy right now.  I tried everything to break myself out of my funk, but nothing worked.  I felt stuck, trapped, and I needed to find a new direction.

When Randy and I made the decision to do this geo-bachelor thing we've been rocking for close to 3 years, it was because I was happy here.  It made sense for me to stay, because I loved my job, had a great support system, and back to back deployments were looming on the horizon.  

But then a lot of things happened all at once, and my next steps became crystal clear.  I needed to do something quickly so that I could be happy again.  I did some research, made some phone calls, had many conversations with my closest family and friends, and cried.  A lot.  

The more I talked, and the more I cried, the quicker I realized that I was absolutely, positively making the best decision for me at this point in my life. Like I said last month, and as I've been told- it's hard to find happiness during deployments.  This decision will allow me to find some happiness.

Luckily, because we've had great communication during this deployment, I was able to talk this all over with Randy- on the phone- like practically normal people do.  He has been incredibly supportive, and has done SO MUCH to help me make this move- and he's done it all from the middle of who knows where with a crappy phone connection.  He got special powers of attorney at a moment's notice, he called base housing, and the transportation office, and got everything filled out and taken care of so all I needed to do was sign and fax some paperwork.  

That just confirmed this all in my mind even more- it has been SO easy.  I thought it would be next to impossible to arrange a move 3 years after we were actually supposed to use it, then get a house on base.  But both things happened and were official and taken care of within 2 days of me signing the papers.  In the military- things just don't move that quickly.   

It is my sign.

My sister told me this is very unlike me- it sounds much more like something she would do.  It's a big risk... because I am giving up a job that I enjoyed... but the risk right now to me is so worth it.  Once I made this decision and told Randy, he was so excited to know that I would be down there in a house with his dog when he got home from this deployment.  We have both sacrificed a lot in the last 3 years to make this work- mostly for me.  He has been amazing- and allowed me to stay and work because he knew it would make me happy.  Now it's my turn to make a sacrifice for him.

So, on July 18th, I will allow a bunch of strangers to come into our house and pack all of our worldly possessions.  I will watch them load our stuff onto a truck a few days later.  Then, with the help of my fabulously awesome parents, I will pack 3 cars with 2 cats, a dog, and the stuff the movers rejected, and attempt a PCS move in the middle of a deployment on my own.  

I must be insane.  Truly.  But I am so excited for what's to come.  Stay tuned... it will be an interesting ride.

3 months down and a day late

Now I'm 2 days late.

Oh well.

Month three has been completely uneventful and very unexciting.

That's probably why I felt like the month of May was never ending. On the flip side- I already feel like June is FLYING by.  That is ok by me!

I spent a lot of time by myself- and I am ok with that.  It gave me a lot of time to think- which again was ok.  It led me to a major revelation- some of which I blame on my fantastic trip to California to visit some of our closest friends.  

 

Coming back from California made me realize that I might not be as happy where I am as I could be at this moment in my life.  It's hard to find happiness during deployment- and many years ago, right before we kicked off deployment number 3, I was reminded that you are miserable enough while they are deployed- so you need to make choices and do things that will make you as happy as you can be.  

So- with that in mind- I am starting to make changes that will make me happy right now.  I'm taking bigger risks- although "risky" for me right now is buying a loveseat from a website that's a final sale.... but for me, that's a pretty big risk.  I'm speaking up for myself and saying no to more things.  I'm getting stuck in a rut, and I just don't want to be.  I'm choosing to do things that will make me happy now- hopefully these choices will ultimately make my family happy in the long term.

The next couple months will be a bit more challenging- in that we have some long stretches where I will not hear from the boy.  Since I've talked to him every single day since he has left, this will be a bit of an adjustment for us both, but I will take a couple weeks of not hearing from him and knowing that he is safe versus what we have experienced in the past: months of fear with no communication during the height of fighting season in Iraq.  I will certainly miss our daily chats, but we will be ok. 

I'm excited for what the next few months will hold- and looking forward to making choices that will make ME happy.  

Stay tuned!

2013- Military Spouse Appreciation Day

Today, May 10, 2013, is Military Spouse Appreciation Day.

 

 

 You can read my 2011 post here.

When I agreed to move to North Carolina with Randy in 2005, I really had no idea what to expect.  I was moving to a different state, I knew nobody, and he was leaving in 6 weeks for his second deployment to Iraq.  The spouses I met just a few days later welcomed me with open arms- and taught me everything I know about being a military spouse.  

I watched them as we all struggled with a difficult deployment that affected us all deeply.  I watched them cook meals, fly to funerals to comfort friends, run meetings, calm our fears, and answer our questions.  They did all this while their own spouses were deployed.  They were just as afraid as the rest of us- but I would have never known that.  They handled everything thrown at them with such grace, courage, and strength, and I have done my best to model myself after what I saw from them.  

They taught me so much- and continue to teach me.  It is an honor to be amongst their ranks- and to be a part of this amazing community.  I am thankful every single day- and so appreciative for the amazing examples I had early on.  

I have now been a military spouse for over 5 years.  There are good days, bad days, and the best days ever- but every day I know that I do not walk alone.  I am surrounded by some of the strongest women I have ever had the privilege of knowing- let alone calling my friends, my sisters.  I am only as strong as those that support me- and I am incredibly lucky to be completely surrounded by some of the strongest women I know.  

They are the ones that answer my calls at 2 am, drive to comfort me when I just need a friend, put their own needs on the back burner to take care of a neighbor's kid, volunteer way too much, move to a different state the moment orders are issued, and still manage to smile and laugh and enjoy everything that life throws at us.  

So- to my fellow milspouses- Thank You.  Thank you for all YOU do to support our fighting men and women.  Thank you for all you do to support your fellow spouses.  Without you, I would not be where I am, or who I am for that matter.  

I am eternally grateful to each and every one of you.  

Month 2 is in the books!

As of about 7:00 this morning, we officially put month 2 in the books.

I could not be happier.  

This month has been challenging for me, and for once, it really has nothing to do with the deployment.  (Alright, maybe it does- if the boy were around, I think maybe I would have handled things better- differently? who knows.)

The boy is still floating around in the middle of who knows where.  I am still hearing from him regularly, which is such an amazing gift.  I have moments where I feel guilty that I have talked to my husband practically every day since he left, but then I remind myself that we have paid our dues.  In past deployments, we have gone months with no communication, so I am thanking my lucky stars for this gift we have this time around. 

I just got home from my week long trip to California, which was definitely the bright spot for month 2.  It was amazing to be able to spend a week surrounded by some of my closest friends- who truly are my family- when I desperately needed to be reminded what family truly was.  

My big grown up realization this month was that maybe family isn't what we are born into.  It turns out the family we are born with can stab you in the back and say hateful, terrible things just as easily as a stranger can.  The family that Randy and I have created for ourselves- our great, big, wonderful, chaotic Marine Corps Family- will always be there when we need them.   

Month 2 highlights:

     -A flower delivery at work.  Apparently the boy has been a bit of a slacker in the letter writing department- his words not mine!- and felt bad.  I love flowers for no reason!

     -Turning 29 plus 2.....  despite being slightly sad about my age, I really had a fantastic day.

 

     -My car was rear ended AGAIN.  This is the third time this has happened since we have moved to NOVA.  But- it was taken care of while I was in California, and was able to pick up my car this morning.  I handled it.  :)

     -I kicked off my deployment weight loss journey... which was completely sidelined by my trip west... whoops.  I started again today, so we shall see!

     -My trip to California!! We were busy! Wine tasting, cupcakes, seals in La Jolla, a fabulous pre-birthday dinner in Coronado, and just lots of time with friends.  

     -Decisions were made, and deadlines were created.  The boy and I have some big choices to make in the upcoming months... mostly concerning our next step in the Marine Corps.  He also FINALLY made a decision about the motorcycle he wants... which, according to him, was the most stressful thing for him this deployment.  (Seems strange, but this is our new deployment reality, and I will take it!)


All in all, this was another quick month.  I am hoping that this coming month will be less stressful, and that I will be able to focus on the positive.

Oh... and one more thing!  A book was written and recently published that gives an account of Randy's first deployment in Fallujah, Iraq in 2004.  It was an awesome read- definitely hard for me at times, but gave me a much better understanding of what transpired during our very first deployment.  Be sure to check it out!  The website is: http://www.memoirsofanoutlaw.com/. 

Hope For the Warriors

About a month ago, I was asked to write a guest blog for a fantastic organization, Hope for the Warriors.  

I have been involved in this organization practically since it was created.  While my role has always been tiny compared to what these amazing Marine wives have been able to accomplish, it is an organization that I absolutely adore, will always support, and will forever be in my heart.  

It was truly an honor to be able to contribute something that would potentially help other spouses and caregivers.  Again, while my contribution was tiny, I hope that by telling our story, I was able to help someone, somewhere.  I hope that I was able to give another spouse the courage to realize it is OK to ask for help.  I hope that I was able to give a Marine the courage to realize that maybe what they are feeling is "normal" in our world.  I hope that I gave a fellow military family the strength to step forward and deal with what they are feeling.  

In case you missed it, here is the link to my guest blog.  Please share- the more we talk about PTSD and what our servicemembers have dealt with, the more we are able to make the stigma go away.

http://hopeforthewarriors.blogspot.com/2013/03/dealing-with-ptsd-and-deployments.html

One Month Down!

Today, April 6th, means we are officially ONE month down in this deployment!!!!

Whew!!!  It's been a busy month- and went by much faster than I thought it would.  Usually (for me) the first month is the longest and the hardest.  But this time around, time is flying.... and I am definitely NOT complaining!

After 4 combat deployments, this MEU deployment stuff is pretty easy.  Now, I am not trying to take away from anyone who might be having a rough time with this type of deployment, but for me, I would take this any day.  I keep telling Randy that they need to come up with a different word for this- because this is NOT my definition of a deployment!! It is a welcome change for me to actually be able to sleep soundly at night, and not have a constant pit in my stomach.  I can actually take a deep breath- and go about my day to day routine and not feel guilty about getting to enjoy my life.  I can actually smile, and laugh, and have fun- and not feel like I have someone sitting on my chest.  

I'm actually really jealous of the boy- he got to spend 4 days in Cyprus, and I actually got to see some sights and sounds and food there as well- thanks to technology.  (My iPhone is now my new best friend!)  I am completely thrilled that he can actually relax and enjoy himself- and see the world, like he was promised almost 10 years ago when he enlisted in the Marine Corps.  He deserves this- he deserves to kick back at a bar in Cyprus, and laugh and have a good time.  I am incredibly happy that he gets these opportunities- and it doesn't hurt that he is buying me pretty things too!

In no particular order, my month one highlights:

     -My iPhone.  I am seriously in love, and incredibly thankful that I got the phone when I did.  Communication with the boy is SO much easier- however he tries to get a hold of me, I can instantly answer back!

     -I redecorated my living room.  No idea where this came from- I woke up one morning and just decided I was sick of EVERYTHING.  Thankfully, I had houseguests that could help me with the "man" stuff:

best houseguests ever! :)

 

     -I got to drive home in the worst snowstorm Northern VA had gotten all winter.  This was of course on deployment day, when I was functioning on 4 hours of sleep tops.  Super fun.  But 4 wheel drive, new tires, and my kick ass PA driving skills definitely saved the day.  I probably won't do that again any time soon though.  Really not much fun at all!

     -Easter 2013.  The year the Sedlak family ALL got the stomach bug.  Sharing means caring right??

     -I got to snuggle cute babies:

TJ

Cora

 

 

 

 

Emma and Auntie :)

 All in all, it was a pretty decent first month.  I am hoping that communication with the boy continues to stay pretty consistent, and that he continues to enjoy himself and stay busy.  I am already starting to plan my weekends for May, and I am working on finalizing the details for my trip to California.  I am busy, relaxed, and taking it one day at a time.  You can't ask for much more than that!