Deployment Day number 5 is way too close for comfort. Right now, the number of days we have left before d-day can be counted on less than 2 hands. And I hate it. I also hate just about everyone and everything too right now, so I apologize to those that might be catching the brunt of my bad attitude.
It's hard to remain cheerful and try to appreciate what people are saying. I do appreciate the kind words... but there's not really anything that can make me feel better right now. I know that it will get better... I get to that point each and every time, but right now, I am bitter and angry. (And not so secretly hoping this sequester will cancel the deployment altogether. [I also know that is wishful thinking.])
I have cried to the point where I have bruises under my eyes... to go along with the fabulous dark circles from lack of sleep. I'm wishing that we would have gotten out of the Marine Corps in October... I am wishing that he never joined the Marine Corps period.
This is HARD. There is no easy way around it. I keep reminding myself that this is not a combat deployment, but at the moment it honestly doesn't make me feel better. I might not worry about my husband for every waking second for the next 8 months, but I sure as hell am going to miss him. I hate knowing that I am going to have to watch him say goodbye to the "kids", and that none of them are really going to understand where he's going. I know that Mocha will pace and whine and cry because she sees Daddy's truck, but doesn't see Daddy. And that will absolutely break my heart.
Right now, 8 months seems like a lifetime, and it hurts to think that I really have to spend that much time away from my husband. I'm having a really hard time at the moment finding the good, the positive, and the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm hoping that by this time next week, I will be feeling a bit more optimistic and ready to conquer whatever deployment number 5 will throw at me, whether it is sink monsters or surgery for the dog.
It will get better, and before I know it, 8 months will be 7... and I can do 7 months in my sleep.
