9 lessons in 9 years

Today, July 7th, marks 9 years that Randy has been in the Marine Corps. 

I have been thinking a lot today about how different things would have been if the military was not a part of my life.  After 9 years, I am sure that the Marine Corps has taught me nine thousand things... but that would kinda be boring to read after a while. 

So, in no particular order, 9 lessons the Marine Corps has taught me:

1.  Always have a plan.  And then 3 back up plans.

     When we got orders 3 years ago, they were to 29 Palms.  So I planned for a move there, even though I hated the thought of having to move.  Then, about 3 weeks later, our orders switched to Camp Pendleton.  So I planned for a move there.  Then, about a week after that, we had orders back to Camp Lejeune.  So in a period of about a month, I had planned moves to all three main Marine Corps bases in the US.  Each plan had a couple scenarios- just because you never know!

2.  Semper Gumby

     This kinda goes with the first one- Always Flexible! Things will never work out in the simplest, most straightforward way.  This is the Marine Corps after all.  You just have to know that everything will eventually work out.  Until then, just sit back, relax, and go with the flow.  Everything will eventually work out.  (This is about the only thing keeping me sane right now during our big fat waiting game.  I know eventually things will be ok.  It might not be how we thought, but it will all be ok.)

 3.  I am way stronger than I ever thought I could be.

     Deployments have taught me that. You just keep going- it doesn't matter how much things suck, you CAN and WILL do it.  When your husband is deployed, giving up (at least for me) is not an option.  It just isn't.  So you just need to put on your big girl panties and realize that this too shall pass.  And when it does pass- you will realize that you can do anything... even the stuff you thought you could never do, or wanted to do!

4.  Bloom where you are planted.

     A very wise retired Marine Corps wife told me that once, and it has stuck with me.  You will succeed wherever you are, you just need to believe that you can.  When you are handed orders to all sorts of strange locations, it is terrifying.  But then you remember that you will only ever be in one place for a few years, and you just need to make the best of it, and make an impact in the best way you know how.  Get involved, make friends, and make the best of it.  If we had gone to 29 Palms, I would have been terrified, but I eventually would have gotten over it, and made the best of it. 

5.  The brand new language of acronyms!

     BAH, BAS, PCS, TDY, MARSOC, MEU, MEF.....  There are times when I am pretty sure my family and (civilian) friends think I am speaking in some sort of secret code.  The Marine Corps has taught me the wonderful world of acronyms, and a super fun way to confuse the crap out of everyone outside the Marine Corps.  I have really loved learning about the Marine Corps, and all the quirky things that go along with it.  I am pretty sure I will never stop learning or asking questions... I just hope Randy is ready for that!

6. Distance isn't necessarily a bad thing

     It's the truth.  Seriously.  After almost 2 years of Randy being a geo-bachelor, I really think that our relationship is stronger than it has ever been.  We are forced to communicate- which is not a bad thing at all.  We talk a few times over the course of the day- and are careful to not dwell on the bad, negative, and insignificant things.  It's kinda like those 30 minute, once a week deployment calls.  It's pointless to tell him about some silly thing that upset me.  We also bicker a lot less.  When you only see each other for 3 days a week, it's pointless to waste that valuable time on silly stuff.  Obviously, I would rather live with my husband like normal people, but I don't think it's a bad thing- especially for a guy who didn't really like to communicate well- it has forced him to learn how to!

7. It never gets easier- you just know more.

     I have had many conversations with many different people.  I have now done deployments as a friend, girlfriend, fiancee, and finally as a wife.  It never gets easier.  You just learn how to deal with it, and you learn that it's only as bad as you let it be.  I have learned that deployments are "easier" when I am busy and have lots going on, and when I am not sitting around feeling sorry for myself.  It can ALWAYS be worse.  Deployments are bad for me- but they are worse- at least in my perspective- for my friends that have children.  As bad as you think you have it, there is someone that always has it worse.  Yes, the boy and I are not living together right now, but we see each other practically every weekend.  There are some geo-bachelors that probably go months without seeing their families.  It can always be worse!

8. Friends are like family.

     I truly cannot imagine what my life would be like if it didn't have my Marine Corps friends in it.  I have been so blessed with meeting such awesome friends- who are now family.  I have probably met people from every single state.  People that are different from me, have a different perspective than I do, and challenge my opinions and beliefs... in a respectful way of course!  I hope that every single one of them know how grateful I am for all that they have taught me.  My Marine Corps family is amazing and I certainly wouldn't be who I am today if it weren't for those people. 

9. There is no good way for your boyfriend/fiance/husband to tell you he is deploying.

     There just isn't.  You always end up feeling like someone has ripped your heart out and punched you in the gut.  I have been told over the phone, found out in a roomful of strangers, and have totally been prepared for it.... but it still sucked to hear concrete dates.  But as much as it sucks to hear it, I can't even imagine how it feels to be the one delivering that news, and knowing what it will do to me.  Regardless, it usually ends up with me in tears, with a large bottle of wine!


And- as a bonus- and to end on a happy note:

10. There is nothing more rewarding and amazing than Homecoming.

     There is nothing better than Homecoming.  It doesn't even have to be your own.  It is hands down the best part about the Marine Corps life- and something I wouldn't trade for anything.

photo by Amanda Courtney Photography

I have learned a lot in the last 9 years, but I know that the Marine Corps has so much more to teach me.  I hope that the Marine Corps sees fit to let us stick around until retirement. I know that Randy and I have a lot more to learn- and a lot more to give back!

Raise Awareness

June is PTSD Awareness Month.  June 27th is PTSD Awareness Day.

 

Just over 2 years ago, Randy took his leave of absence.   It's not something that either one of us planned to happen- it just kind of did.  But we have moved on and grown and learned from that experience.  We now have the tools we need to conquer whatever obstacle we might come across- whether it is PTSD or another battle that the Marine Corps sees fit to throw at us.

I don't know if PTSD will ever really go away for us- in reality, I am pretty confident in saying that it will always be there.  There are plenty of Vietnam vets who are just now able to come to terms with what they saw and did while they were serving.  It will probably pop up when we least expect it, when we finally think that it is in the past.  But I do know that regardless of what happens, we are now better equipped to deal with whatever comes our way. 

I've been pretty vocal about this issue and how it affects my life. It is important for me to continue to be an advocate for not only myself, but my husband.  While I am nowhere near any sort of professional on this matter, I do have experience with it first hand.  I understand what it means to live with someone who reacts to things that don't bother other people.  I know what it's like to wake up in the middle of the night and have him searching for his K-bar, because he was dreaming he was back in Iraq.  The other night when I had a bad dream, I was so thankful that he wasn't there- because I honestly don't know what his reaction to my screaming would have been.  

I will continue to talk about my experiences- and I hope that I might be helping another spouse- who might not understand what the flashbacks, nightmares, and weird quirky things might mean.  In turn, I hope that that spouse is able to help their servicemember get the help that they might need- even if it's as simple as just talking to each other. 

Some resources and information:

VA's National Center for PTSD

Afterdeployment.org  

Memorial Day

 Today is Memorial Day.

While you are enjoying time with family and friends, please take a minute to remember what today is about.  


Today is a day to remember those that have sacrificed everything in defense of our freedom.  


If it were not for their sacrifice, and the sacrifices of their families, we would not be able to live as we do today.  


So while you are celebrating, take a minute to honor those that have given their all- for us.

"The bravest are surely those who have the clearest vision of what is before them, glory and danger alike, and yet notwithstanding, go out to meet it."   -Thucydides

29 plus 1

My running joke with Randy for the last (almost) 8 years of our relationship has been to tell him that eventually, he would surpass me in age.  I think the time has finally come.

3 weeks ago, I turned 30.  

I don't like it very much at all.  Every time I think about how old I am, (which isn't very often) I stick my tongue out.  Because I just don't wanna be 30.  I know- that's very grown up of me to stomp my foot and stick my tongue out.  Oh well! 

The morning of my birthday, I woke up at some point in the middle of the night and refused to look at the clock.  I was officially 30 as of 2:22 am, and I didn't want to know what time it was because that would mean that I was really and truly 30.  (I had a similar reaction when I turned 20- I woke up, saw what time it was and started crying because I realized I was no longer a teenager...)

I really am not sure why I am having such a hard time with it.  It's not like I had a bunch of goals that I wanted to accomplish by this age, or that I'm not where I thought I would be in life.   Because honestly, I never really had a plan to be in a certain place by a certain age.  I've just kinda gone with the flow of things... and where I've wound up has been pretty good for me.  

Blah.  I just don't like it. 

But eventually I will get over it.  I pretty much have to.  I'll accept getting older... eventually.

Either that, or I will just stick with being 29.... plus 1, 2, 3.....    

Base stickers may cause shortness of breath...

Last week, I ran a quick errand on my lunch break.  When I was walking back to my car, I happened to glance at my base stickers.  When I realized the date on there, I felt light headed.  

I bet you didn't know base stickers may cause shortness of breath and dizziness, among other things.


Yea, me neither.

 It's a bit unnerving to see a date that is 143 days away and realize that you don't quite know what is going to happen after that date. 

As of today, the boy's contract with the USMC is up as of October 6, 2012.  He intentionally picked that date- it will be our 5th wedding anniversary (and my cousin's wedding day!).

This is the closest we have gotten to our end of contract date and not really knew what was going to happen next.  We've always known months out what was going to happen next- when he reenlisted in 2006, he had more than 8 months left.  When he extended to deploy, he had more than a year left.  


Now we are 4-ish months out, and we know nothing.  We know what we want, but we just need to wait for the Marine Corps to make some decisions.

It is freaking me the heck out, to say the very least.

I am a planner.  And, under normal military spouse circumstances, this is a quality that definitely plays to my advantage.  But in this case, where everything as far as reenlistment and continuing on in the Marine Corps is completely out of our hands and beyond our control, I am a nervous wreck.  I know things will work out how they are supposed to, but it becomes quite frustrating when all you want is an answer- and to know what October 7th will bring.  I just have to wait and be Semper Gumby, while also having plans A-Z ready to go, just in case.  In case of what though, has yet to be decided. 

There's not a whole heck of a lot we can do about it.  Just be patient and wait, and be hopeful that someone or something out there knows what the best next step will be for us.  I do believe that everything happens for a reason, and that everything will work out exactly how it is supposed to.

Until it all works out though, I might have to carry a paper bag around with me for the next time I happen to glance at my base stickers.

The girl can swim... sort of.

Last night, Mocha went swimming.

Swimming is exhausting!

Now, I'll ask again.  

Who thinks I am crazy?

Because what normal person takes their dog for hydrotherapy once a week?

Well, I think this might be proof that I am far from normal when it comes to this dog. 

2 rounds of CCL surgery have left Mocha a bit limpy.  (2 rounds of surgery have also left me a nervous wreck, afraid to do much of anything for fear I will continue to break the boy's dog. Blah!)  So when we went to visit Dr. Farthing, I told her I was concerned that she was still not putting much weight on her leg, and that I was afraid the second round of surgery hadn't fixed anything.  The boy-who does not always think worst case scenario like yours truly- figured that it was because she had had the same surgery done twice in 6 months, and that it was just going to take longer to heal.  

Now brace yourself.  Because this rarely happens.

The boy was RIGHT. 
(Yes- there it is- in writing.  Proof that he was right, and he wins this one.)

It turns out that occasionally I should listen to my darling dearest.  After I let him win, the vet suggested we take her swimming once a week to start building her strength back in her leg.  This was something Mocha was familiar with- after round one of surgery this summer, she was swimming at daycare once a week.  

So back to daycare we went.  Thankfully, they offer after hours swimming, so off we went.

Now Mocha is part lab, which means she should love swimming and love all things water, right?

Ha!

From what I was told, Mocha only swims because she knows it will make her people happy.  If the poor thing had a choice, she would definitely not be in a pool with her adorable life jacket on. But she swims.  She gets plenty of hugs and cuddles when she rocks it doing her laps in the pool, and our second round yesterday was much more enjoyable for all parties involved.  

So in case you missed it yesterday, here is Mocha girl swimming:

She just cracks me up haha.

It seems to be working.  After last week's hydrotherapy session, she would not use her owie leg at all for a good 2 days.  Last night, she was running around on it as soon as we got home.  So I am hopeful that this will make her leg as good as it's going to get, because Lord knows I am sick of being a nervous wreck any time the poor dog runs or jumps or does anything besides lay quietly next to me. 

Yes, I probably am crazy.  But I am okay with that- because I am fortunate I can spoil my dog with daycare and hydrotherapy and whatever else she needs.  She is a happy girl, and a good puppy.  And really, I know it is all worth it in the end! 

I bet you think we're crazy

Heck, there are some days I think we are crazy too.

Since September 2010, the boy and I have been living apart- and he is what the military refers to as a Geographic Bachelor.   We made the decision because when he got orders to North Carolina, I had JUST gotten a new job.  A great job- a job that I love.  We had orders to the land of no jobs- fabulous Jacksonville, North Carolina.   

(Sidenote- I love Jacksonville.  Really I do.  But for someone who wants to work, its not the best place to find quality employment.)

We decided that he would be a geo-bachelor.  He would move to NC, I would stay with my job in VA.  Besides, he was just going to deploy in a few months anyway, so it made sense.  I honestly thought that when he got home from that deployment, his geo-bachelorhood would be over.  It has obviously not worked out like I had all planned out in my head. So we have a commuter marriage- we see each other on weekends and then Monday through Friday he is in North Carolina.  

I've made a decided effort to not complain, because this is something we have voluntarily agreed to do.  Nobody made us.  This decision was all us.  But there are some day- most days anymore-where I am exhausted, all I want to do is cry, and I feel like the world is against me.  

Is it really worth it for me to still be at the job that I love, when the person that I love is 350 miles away? But is it worth it to be with the person I love, and be miserable the rest of the time because I am again just settling for something in my professional life?  It is a constant internal struggle with myself.  There are so many days where I wish I could be a "normal" wife in the Marine Corps- that I will follow my husband from place to place with a great big smile on my face.  

But I am not the norm.  I am me.  

And this was my chance to do what I wanted- what I needed to do for myself.  The Marine Corps gets to control just about every aspect of my life- and most of the time that is okay.  But this time, I needed to do what made me happy.  It is not the most ideal arrangement, but at the moment it is working for us.  I am actually thinking that it has made our marriage stronger.  For 4 out of the 7 days of the week, I only talk to the boy on the phone.  That means again, we pick and choose our battles.  We don't dwell on the petty stuff, we focus on the good stuff that happens during the day.  On the weekends, we know we only have a certain amount of time, and we try to make the best of it.  Sometimes we have to cram so much in it makes my head spin, but that is okay with me. 

I bet you think I'm crazy.  I'm pretty sure I am.  But one part of our choice to be a military family is to make the best choice for us- even though it might not be the most ideal or the most popular.  If it doesn't work for both of us, the military just won't work.  I know my husband is a lifer- so right now we are both making sacrifices so we can have and do what we want.  I know this geo-bachelor stuff won't last forever- and that's part of the reason I've not yet moved to North Carolina at this point.  We are waiting on orders- so a new duty station is in the not so distant future.  We are both confident that at our next duty station, we will be back to normal. 

Or at least as normal as the Marine Corps allows us to be!