Yesterday I got my hair cut.
Sounds like a simple, straightforward, relaxing way to spend a Saturday right?
It was... until those pesky deployment demons snuck up right at the end and kicked me in the gut.
I was asked to schedule my next appointment... and the date they gave me was one measly week before the boy leaves.
Hearing that... and coming to the realization that the number of weeks that stand between me and deployment number 5 can be counted on 2 hands sent me right into meltdown mode. I did, thankfully, manage to make it out of the salon and into my car before I lost it.
UGH.
The thing is, I knew they were going to ask that question, and I knew what the date would be. But to actually hear that out loud was a huge reality check, and I did not like it one bit.
It turns out, my heart has yet to realize there is a difference between this deployment and the last 4. This one so far is a non-combat deployment, so the realities are a lot different. My head has realized this... but I am not sure at what point the hurt will be different.... and I really don't think it will.
My husband will still be leaving for 8 plus months.
We will still be apart.
I still have to stand there and watch him get on a bus and drive away from me.
I still have to keep everything going on my own.
I am still going to have to find ways to make the time pass as quickly as possible.
The only difference I've found is that this time I might actually be a bit jealous of some of the locations the boy gets to visit. (That is obviously something new- I can safely say I've never been jealous of the time he spent in Iraq or Afghanistan.)
Bottom line is, deployments still suck, regardless of the combat or non-combat nature. As much as I keep trying to put on my big girl panties, it still hurts knowing that I only have a handful of weeks left before he is gone for good. And for more than half of those weeks, he will be away training. Which sucks even more.
But- it is what it is. It's my turn- and we all have to take a turn. This too shall pass... and hopefully soon after he comes in the fall, we will be on our way somewhere new... together.
And that will make it all worth it.
Sunday, January 20, 2013
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Promotion Day!
On January 1st, the boy officially became a Staff Sergeant.
But it wasn't officially official until he pinned on on January 7th.
And then it wasn't officially officially official until it updated on his online records... then when he changed it in his email signature... then when I called him on his office phone to hear him say his new rank... however many different ways you say it, it is official!
Needless to say, we are both thrilled with this promotion. It of course means new challenges and new responsibilities for both of us, but it is something we are both ready to take on. It also means that the boy is guaranteed to stay in until retirement now, which is a huge relief for both of us.
It does also mean another deployment... which is fine. (More on that another day.)
I don't really know if I can really put into words how proud I am of my husband.... and how proud I am of us really. This is something that I honestly feel like we both earned together. (That sounds like I am one of THOSE wives... that wear their husband's rank... I promise I am not!) I could care less about what the rank is- but this was a long time coming, and it took a lot of sacrifice and dedication on both of our parts. There were plenty of days that the boy just felt like giving up on all things Marine Corps- and it was me convincing him that what he was doing was worth it... and important. And then there were the other 360 days that I absolutely hated all things Marine Corps- but was reminded how much HE loves the Marine Corps... and that changed my tune.
I've come to the realization that I won't ever get to have a conventional "career", and I probably won't ever work at a job long enough to retire. That's why I throw myself so much into all things Marine Corps- because here in another 10-ish years, the boy will retire, and with that, we will both close a huge chapter in our lives. This, when it really comes down to it, is my career- my choice- too. And I am okay with that.
The new SSgt has now accomplished MORE than he ever thought he would in the Marine Corps. The best part is- he's only halfway through. Who knows what this guy will accomplish next- but I know he will do great things, and be a fantastic leader!!
Congrats babe! I am so very very proud of you!!!
But it wasn't officially official until he pinned on on January 7th.
And then it wasn't officially officially official until it updated on his online records... then when he changed it in his email signature... then when I called him on his office phone to hear him say his new rank... however many different ways you say it, it is official!
Needless to say, we are both thrilled with this promotion. It of course means new challenges and new responsibilities for both of us, but it is something we are both ready to take on. It also means that the boy is guaranteed to stay in until retirement now, which is a huge relief for both of us.
It does also mean another deployment... which is fine. (More on that another day.)
I don't really know if I can really put into words how proud I am of my husband.... and how proud I am of us really. This is something that I honestly feel like we both earned together. (That sounds like I am one of THOSE wives... that wear their husband's rank... I promise I am not!) I could care less about what the rank is- but this was a long time coming, and it took a lot of sacrifice and dedication on both of our parts. There were plenty of days that the boy just felt like giving up on all things Marine Corps- and it was me convincing him that what he was doing was worth it... and important. And then there were the other 360 days that I absolutely hated all things Marine Corps- but was reminded how much HE loves the Marine Corps... and that changed my tune.
I've come to the realization that I won't ever get to have a conventional "career", and I probably won't ever work at a job long enough to retire. That's why I throw myself so much into all things Marine Corps- because here in another 10-ish years, the boy will retire, and with that, we will both close a huge chapter in our lives. This, when it really comes down to it, is my career- my choice- too. And I am okay with that.
The new SSgt has now accomplished MORE than he ever thought he would in the Marine Corps. The best part is- he's only halfway through. Who knows what this guy will accomplish next- but I know he will do great things, and be a fantastic leader!!
Congrats babe! I am so very very proud of you!!!
Monday, December 31, 2012
Goodbye 2012... Hello 2013
Another year is about to be behind us.
A brand new year is in front of us.
Honestly, I'm not completely sure where the last 365 days have gone, but I am not so sad to put 2012 behind us.
It has been a challenging year... definitely a roller coaster full of ups and downs. I was cautiously optimistic that 2012 would be the year that the boy and I would actually get to live under one roof again, but of course the Marine Corps had other plans for us.
I've been reminded that I need to be patient, always be Semper Gumby, and that everything happens for a reason.
I've learned that things will happen when they are meant to, not when I want them to, and that good things happen to those that wait and persevere.
Things will never be perfect- but then again, I am not striving for perfection.
2012 taught me some valuable lessons- and I am sure that 2013 will teach me even more.
2013 will bring us a promotion (Hello SSgt Williamson!), a deployment, new experiences with new family members (I'm an auntie now!), a happy homecoming, and lots of new adventures to fill the days while the boy is floating around the world.
I am looking forward to seeing what the year brings!
A brand new year is in front of us.
Honestly, I'm not completely sure where the last 365 days have gone, but I am not so sad to put 2012 behind us.
It has been a challenging year... definitely a roller coaster full of ups and downs. I was cautiously optimistic that 2012 would be the year that the boy and I would actually get to live under one roof again, but of course the Marine Corps had other plans for us.
I've been reminded that I need to be patient, always be Semper Gumby, and that everything happens for a reason.
I've learned that things will happen when they are meant to, not when I want them to, and that good things happen to those that wait and persevere.
Things will never be perfect- but then again, I am not striving for perfection.
2012 taught me some valuable lessons- and I am sure that 2013 will teach me even more.
2013 will bring us a promotion (Hello SSgt Williamson!), a deployment, new experiences with new family members (I'm an auntie now!), a happy homecoming, and lots of new adventures to fill the days while the boy is floating around the world.
I am looking forward to seeing what the year brings!
Happy 2013!
Monday, December 17, 2012
There are no words
...
What happened on Friday in Connecticut was completely and utterly horrifying and devastating.
There really are no words.
I've been watching or listening to the news almost constantly. I feel like that is my way of honoring the victims- the teachers and support staff, and all those sweet babies. I want to know as much as I can about their lives... I want to do what little I can to honor their memory, and to make sure they are not forgotten.
This tragedy- while not to take away from the victims and their families and friends, and really the entire community- has been especially hard for me to deal with.
My mom was an elementary school teacher for 30 plus years. Many of her friends- who are like my family- still are teachers.
I worked in elementary schools for 4 years- and still keep in touch with many dear friends from both schools I was lucky enough to work in.
I have a lot of friends from high school and college who are educators.
My life is full of people who have dedicated their lives and their careers to the education of children.
When these events began to unfold on Friday, I could not help but picture myself there. When I still worked in the school system, we were required to practice lockdown drills a few times a year. The principal would come over the loudspeaker, we would take the children to a corner of the room, turn out the lights, lock the door, and shutter the windows.
Then we would sit and wait. I remember how unnerving the situation could be. I would sit with a couple kids on each side of me, and one in my lap. They would lean on me, and whimper a little as someone came banging on the door and shaking the handle to ensure that it was locked properly. I would do my best to reassure the kids, and let them know that everything would be ok- that this was only practice.
Eventually, the lockdown was over, the lights would be turned back on, and we would return to our normal, hectic day in kindergarten.
I've read a lot about the actions of the teachers that day. They are being called heroes- which is exactly what they are. They selflessly shielded their kids- knowing exactly what could happen, but knowing that they were responsible for the safety and well being of those children.
I know that every single educator I know- including myself- would have done the exact same thing if we were put in that situation. I know that I would have done everything in my power to protect my kids- because that's just it- they were my kids. For 8 plus hours a day, 5 days a week, they are that teacher's kids.
They hug them, encourage them, love them, discipline them, inspire them, and keep them safe.
They reassure them- even when they themselves aren't completely sure that everything will be ok.
They create a safe environment to inspire kids, and encourage them to come back to school the next day.
And today, teachers, support staff, parents, and kids across our country did something incredibly brave.
They went back to school.
They all proved- every single one- that the bad guys are not going to win.
What happened on Friday in Connecticut was completely and utterly horrifying and devastating.
There really are no words.
I've been watching or listening to the news almost constantly. I feel like that is my way of honoring the victims- the teachers and support staff, and all those sweet babies. I want to know as much as I can about their lives... I want to do what little I can to honor their memory, and to make sure they are not forgotten.
This tragedy- while not to take away from the victims and their families and friends, and really the entire community- has been especially hard for me to deal with.
My mom was an elementary school teacher for 30 plus years. Many of her friends- who are like my family- still are teachers.
I worked in elementary schools for 4 years- and still keep in touch with many dear friends from both schools I was lucky enough to work in.
I have a lot of friends from high school and college who are educators.
My life is full of people who have dedicated their lives and their careers to the education of children.
When these events began to unfold on Friday, I could not help but picture myself there. When I still worked in the school system, we were required to practice lockdown drills a few times a year. The principal would come over the loudspeaker, we would take the children to a corner of the room, turn out the lights, lock the door, and shutter the windows.
Then we would sit and wait. I remember how unnerving the situation could be. I would sit with a couple kids on each side of me, and one in my lap. They would lean on me, and whimper a little as someone came banging on the door and shaking the handle to ensure that it was locked properly. I would do my best to reassure the kids, and let them know that everything would be ok- that this was only practice.
Eventually, the lockdown was over, the lights would be turned back on, and we would return to our normal, hectic day in kindergarten.
I've read a lot about the actions of the teachers that day. They are being called heroes- which is exactly what they are. They selflessly shielded their kids- knowing exactly what could happen, but knowing that they were responsible for the safety and well being of those children.
I know that every single educator I know- including myself- would have done the exact same thing if we were put in that situation. I know that I would have done everything in my power to protect my kids- because that's just it- they were my kids. For 8 plus hours a day, 5 days a week, they are that teacher's kids.
They hug them, encourage them, love them, discipline them, inspire them, and keep them safe.
They reassure them- even when they themselves aren't completely sure that everything will be ok.
They create a safe environment to inspire kids, and encourage them to come back to school the next day.
And today, teachers, support staff, parents, and kids across our country did something incredibly brave.
They went back to school.
They all proved- every single one- that the bad guys are not going to win.
Friday, November 16, 2012
Happy 237th Birthday Marines!
(Yes, I know, the actual birthday was on the 10th. But since we aren't celebrating until tomorrow, I still get to use that title.)
Tomorrow night, I will put on a fancy dress, uncomfortable heels, and strut my stuff at our battalion's birthday ball. I honestly am not sure there is any other branch of the military that celebrates their "birthday" the way the Marine Corps does, but it sure is fun. It is the one night of the year in the Marine Corps that is really just fun.... mandatory fun yes... but still just fun.
There is a lot of ceremony and tradition, and some somber moments of reflection and remembrance. The ceremony reminds us what it means to be a part of the family that is the Marine Corps, and how truly important our Marines' roles are in protecting our country. (And, a handful of days after finding out that deployment #5 is official, it will be good for me to have this reminder.)
It also makes for some fantastic people watching.....ha! (Gold lame' mini anybody?!)
This year will be my 9th ball. I've actually been to more than the boy has. The year he was deployed, the unit that was tasked with keeping an eye on us invited all the spouses to their ball. So I took my sister as a date, and we had a fun girls night with all the other ladies.
So here's a look back at us at Birthday Balls of the past:
This was our very first ball! The boy had gotten home from Iraq about 5 weeks earlier. I flew down from Penn State, and the drastic change in weather gave me a cold. This was also my first experience with Marine wives- I will never forget the one wife who felt it necessary to show me that she was in fact duct taped into her dress!
So there ya go- the years in review. There is obviously some drinking, lots of fun, and plenty of great memories each year. It is such a fun, special night for us all- and it never hurts to be in a room surrounded by Marines in dress blues!
Tomorrow night, I will put on a fancy dress, uncomfortable heels, and strut my stuff at our battalion's birthday ball. I honestly am not sure there is any other branch of the military that celebrates their "birthday" the way the Marine Corps does, but it sure is fun. It is the one night of the year in the Marine Corps that is really just fun.... mandatory fun yes... but still just fun.
There is a lot of ceremony and tradition, and some somber moments of reflection and remembrance. The ceremony reminds us what it means to be a part of the family that is the Marine Corps, and how truly important our Marines' roles are in protecting our country. (And, a handful of days after finding out that deployment #5 is official, it will be good for me to have this reminder.)
It also makes for some fantastic people watching.....ha! (Gold lame' mini anybody?!)
This year will be my 9th ball. I've actually been to more than the boy has. The year he was deployed, the unit that was tasked with keeping an eye on us invited all the spouses to their ball. So I took my sister as a date, and we had a fun girls night with all the other ladies.
So here's a look back at us at Birthday Balls of the past:
 |
| 2004 |
 |
| 2005 |
 |
| 2006 |
With my baby sister! She was sweet enough to fly down to North Carolina and we had a blast!
 |
| 2007 |
Our first ball at Quantico. Obviously a bit intoxicated, and the woman that did my hair sprayed me with glitter before I could protest... bleh.
 |
| 2008 |
This is my fave!
 |
| 2009 |
Drunk again... ha!
 |
| 2010 |
Birthday ball.....in the gym. And dress recycling!
 |
| 2011 |
So there ya go- the years in review. There is obviously some drinking, lots of fun, and plenty of great memories each year. It is such a fun, special night for us all- and it never hurts to be in a room surrounded by Marines in dress blues!
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
It's a part of this life
Well.
I've had 2 beers, 3 meltdowns, and my eyes are just about swollen shut. But I still haven't completely wrapped my brain around this latest bit of news.
Come spring 2013, the boy will be deploying for a fifth time.5 deployments. Seriously??
Before you say anything, let me tell you what I do know at this very moment in time:
-I know that this is always a possibility, being married to an infantry Marine during a time of global upheaval and conflict.
-I know that there are good things, and that I will find the positive in all this.
-I know that this will be good for his career and his new rank.
-I know that it is NOT a combat deployment.... at least today it isn't.
-I know that this will be the worst that I feel, with the exception of the day he actually leaves.
-I know that I am allowed to feel exactly how I am feeling at this very second. I deserve a chance to wallow in absolute self pity, and feel incredibly sorry for myself. (I also know, that because this is the 5th time that my husband has had to call and tell me that he is deploying, that this too shall pass.)
But I just don't want to play Pollyanna right now. I am emotionally exhausted for so many reasons, and I just want a chance to feel sorry for myself. It is rare that I allow that to happen, because I just refuse to dwell on all the negative in my life.
Deployments are a part of this life.
Yes, I knew that. Yes, the boy knew that. It still does not make it one bit easier. Deployments are never easy. If they were, I would seriously question why I continue to stick around to put myself through this. Deployments are hard, and test you in ways that you never dreamed you would be tested and challenged. I hate every last second of having to be away from my husband.
I have very mixed emotions right now, and I am angry at anyone and anything that happens to cross my path. I apologize for that- but at the same time, I just cannot help myself. I am once again having some feelings of regret, and wondering what if we had made different choices at step 1, 12, or 2597. There's no point in looking backward though. I know it doesn't make a lot of sense, but that's how I feel. All I want is to live with my husband again and be "normal". I honestly didn't think that was too much to ask, but apparently when the USMC is involved, it is.
So, tomorrow I will wake up, put on my big girl panties and my superhero cape, and keep leading the life that I have chosen. The boy will deploy in March whether I like it or not, whether I stick out my tongue and stomp my foot, whether I think it's unfair or not right. Nothing will stop the clock, so I will embrace it as best I can.
This is a part of this life, and it is what I have chosen. Good, bad, indifferent or otherwise. It just doesn't matter. Deployment number 5 is here to stay, and despite our best efforts, it is happening.
I will keep telling myself that, but it doesn't mean that the pit in my stomach and the lump in my throat will go away any faster.
Monday, November 5, 2012
Vote!
This is the 4th Presidential Election that I have had the privilege and duty of voting in.
I have never gotten one of those fun little stickers though, because I have always voted by absentee ballot. In 2000 and 2004 I was a Penn State student. In 2008 and now in 2012 I am a military spouse.
But that hasn't stopped me. This year I requested my absentee ballot on the very first day Pennsylvania allowed you to request ballots. I sent it back within 2 days, and felt... proud? happy? excited? All of the above really.
It is really an honor for me to be able to exercise my right to vote, a right that my husband has fought to protect. (Yes I know I am dragging my military spouseness into this, but hey, its true!)
This is going to be short and to the point- make sure that you exercise your right to vote tomorrow. I am not so concerned with the who part- although I think everyone knows that there is a particular candidate I prefer more than another- but you need to get out there and vote.
It is incredibly important. Men and women have died protecting our freedom to vote.
It is our right, responsibility, duty, and honor as an American.
DO IT!
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