Half a year.

6 months.

26 weeks.

181 days.

That's how long it's been since D-Day.

That seems like an awful long time.  (But really it's not- because if we were Army, we would barely be halfway through a deployment instead of a few weeks away from homecoming.  Remember- it could ALWAYS be worse!)


In that time I have sent 172 letters and at least 50 packages. 

I have received at least 28 phone calls- maybe a couple more, and 12 letters. (He claims some of his letters have gotten "lost in the mail."  Sure they have honey!)

I have enrolled a dog in daycare- which, it turns out, is much like enrolling a child in school.  Visits to the doctor, extra shots, piles of paperwork to fill out.... temperament screenings... and on and on.

I have planned and successfully completed a trip to California.

I have paid off my car.

I have nursed a dog through leg surgery, and lifted the brat  into my car for a trip to the emergency vet.

I have survived a 5.8 magnitude earthquake (ha!) a 4.5 aftershock, and possibly a major hurricane this weekend.

I've been a busy girl!

I still have a few more weeks to go until homecoming, and I am hoping that time will speed up a little bit, although I doubt that very much.  I am trying to stay busy, but this weekend especially, the damn weather seems to have other plans for me.  Thanks, Hurricane Irene.  

On a sidenote- this will be the second hurricane that I have weathered by myself, while the boy was off saving the world.  Two weeks before he came home in 2005, I was in Jacksonville.  We got nailed by Hurricane Ophelia.  That thing stalled off the coast, and it rained for 3 days straight.  I was lucky that I had power the entire time, and had just had a new computer delivered. I believe that the boy's foot locker was shoved through my doorway midway through that storm too.  I'm hoping that I am just as lucky this time around.  Although my plans for the weekend seem to be shot- I was headed up to Baltimore for a Yankees game- I know there are far worse things that I could be dealing with right now.  

Mother Nature apparently wanted month number six to end in style- with earthquakes, hurricanes, and freaky orange skies!

One step closer

This has been one looooong week.

My end-of-deployment insomnia is starting. I don't really know what that's all about- but it happens every deployment.  I think its just sheer excitement keeping me awake at night.

I've also been stressed out a lot lately.  Just a lot on my mind, and the impatience of having to wait until Randy gets home to make plans and decisions is starting to wear on me. 

Anyway, we hit another deployment/homecoming milestone yesterday. 

A pretty big one.  I got a box from Randy! 

I've been looking for this box for the last month.  I don't know what the deal is, but mail from Afghanistan takes forevvvver.  Seriously.  Anything that I've mailed Randy hasn't taken any longer than 2 weeks tops.  But even letter mail that he has sent me has taken up to 6 weeks.  This package was sent out in mid-July.  It took almost 5 weeks to get to me. 

But again, his timing couldn't have been better.  After a long, sucky, stressful week (where once again I swear I've reached my breaking point!)  I pulled into my driveway and noticed a whole heap of boxes on my porch.  (hello, online shopping!)

When I realized that one of the boxes was THE box- I started crying.

Lame, I know.  But that's all I could do was cry.  To know that we are finally at the point in this deployment where he can send stuff home is just HUGE.  

THE box.  And all of the stamps.

 

It's a huge sense of relief-there are things in this box that he just doesn't need anymore- because he will be home soon.  It's really one of my favorite parts of the deployment process.  

The box also had letters and cards in it that I had sent.  (It makes me laugh when I get a box full of mail that I have sent him- I almost wonder what the point is- then I remember how important it is to him!) There were also 2 discs of pictures, and a disc with a video on it he made for me.  Nothing major with the video- just him sitting there talking to me.  But that was the first time I had seen my husband's face in 6 months.  So again- a pretty big deal for this girl!

I sorted through the letters pretty quickly- but one thing stuck out almost immediately.  How many different people had taken the time to send mail to Randy. It made me cry... again.  (Fair warning- the tears will only get worse from here.  The night before Randy comes home I will be a hot mess- there's no doubt about it.  At that point, its mostly the huge sense of relief I feel, and the emotions that have been building for the last 7 months.)

In the last few deployments, people always said they would send Randy stuff, and write him... but for one reason or another, never got around to it.  But this time- I am confident in saying that every single person who told me they would write to Randy, or asked me for his address actually followed through and sent something.  It was completely overwhelming to me to see how many people had taken time out of their day and their hectic crazy lives to put something in the mail for Randy.  It might not seem like a big deal- but to these guys, mail is what keeps them going.  And really, keeps me going too.  It just completely blew me away- and I am so appreciative to each and every person who took time to send a card or a note or a package to Randy... and his guys.  

The support we have had through this deployment has been nothing short of amazing, and we are both so incredibly blessed to have such wonderful friends who stepped up and supported us through this entire process.   

We would not have been as successful as we have been through this deployment if it weren't for you!

Now.... onward to homecoming!!!

The "perfect" homecoming outfit

Tomorrow the search begins.

The search for the perfect homecoming outfit.

My friend Chelsey has been kind enough- or crazy enough- to volunteer to help me with this search.  So tomorrow we are shopping.  I have no idea what exactly I am looking for.  I'm hoping I will know it when I see it.  However, I am confident I know what I am not looking for.

With this being our 4th homecoming, I have really seen it all.  So I have a good idea of what NOT to wear.  (At least for me!)

1. No White.

In 2004, I traveled to Camp Lejeune with Randy's mom, brother, and a couple close family friends of theirs.  We left late Friday night, and he was due home Saturday afternoon.  I got changed in the Burger King bathroom on base.  (Classy, I know.)  I threw on a white tank top and jeans and flip flops.  My goal was to be comfortable- because I knew we would be waiting for quite a while.  That's just what you do at homecoming.  You wait.  And I was- so I succeeded there.  

What I did not factor in was hugs.  

Once the guys got off the bus- I was hugging absolute strangers (who are now like my big brothers).  It was so completely overwhelming to meet all these guys who knew so much about me already- and they all deserved a hug.  My white tank top quickly became covered with gross handprints.  After all, these guys had been at war for 7 months, and hadn't showered in 2 days because they were traveling, and then had just loaded and unloaded all of their gear from the plane into the trucks. 

Lesson learned- No white!!!

2.  No dresses, and no heels.

The girls that wear dresses and/or high heels are brave in my book.  Again- we are standing around waiting for hours.  There are hundreds of family members and friends, and never enough chairs.  Each homecoming I have found myself sitting on a curb, or plopping down in the middle of the sidewalk.  (That is when I'm not frantically pacing with nervousness and excitement!)

There's just no way to be ladylike in a dress and sit on a sidewalk, unless I want the whole world to be up in my business.  (Which believe it or not, I have seen before!)  There is also no way I would risk potentially breaking an ankle running to greet Randy with heels on.  That's why I stick to flip flips.  (I actually wore the exact same pair of flips to our 3 back to back homecomings.  I'm kinda sad they broke and I won't be able to rock them this year.)

I was looking at pictures on a photographer's Facebook page the other day- and one thing stuck out at me when I looked at one homecoming in particular.  This girl's dress was so short, that when she ran and jumped on her husband- her butt was mere centimeters from hanging out.  Um, no thanks.

3. No costumes, or costume accessories.

Don't worry, you read that right.  You'd be surprised what some significant others wear.  I will never- and I mean NEVER- forget this one.  In 2005 Randy came home on October 1st.  I'm not sure if this one wife missed the memo that Halloween was still a few weeks away.  But I remember trying not to stare.  She was wearing one of those headbands that have devil horns on them.  Glittery sequin covered devil horns.  With a red tank top, plaid skirt, fishnets, and thigh high boots.  Completely appropriate for the family atmosphere that homecoming is, right?  To make it even more memorable, she had about 6 kids and a new puppy that ran circles around her for 2 hours straight, while she sat in a chair and smoked a cigarette.  (I am sure some of my LAR ladies remember this!)

I think I'm putting a bit more thought into my outfit this time around because I have hired a photographer to be there.  So I'm figuring that if I'm spending the money for that, I might as well look nice in the pictures!  You can check out my past homecoming outfits here.

So my goal with the perfect homecoming outfit is to be comfortable, look nice, and be appropriate and memorable- but not memorable in a trashy way.  Hopefully this isn't too tall of an order.  I'll let you know how it goes! ;) 

Reinvention

Definition of REINVENT

transitive verb

1: to make as if for the first time something already invented <reinvent the wheel>

 

2: to remake or redo completely 

 

3: to bring into use again 

 

4: what a miltary wife must do when arriving at a new duty station

 

That's what I'm in the process of doing now.  Trying to figure out (again!) what I want to be when I grow up.  

 

It's frustrating enough- but even more frustrating in a place like Jacksonville, North Carolina.  I really love it there.  I do.  But it's not exactly land of 1,000 jobs.  What makes it even more frustrating is that I have a job.  A job that I actually like quite a bit, and has proved to be a great opportunity for me here in Virginia.  

 

What frustrates me even more is that my degrees don't exactly translate into a specific job.  I have a degree in Political Science, and in Journalism.  I wonder if things would be different if I had gotten a degree in something useful- something that actually translated directly into a specific job.  Oh, if only I could go back in time....

 

So on top of finishing up a deployment here soon, we will also be in the process of figuring out what's next.  I have been shocked at how much the boy has talked about getting out of the Marine Corps.  I keep trying to tell him now is not a good time to make any decisions- seriously, who can make a rational decision while in Afghanistan thousands of miles away from home? Of course he hates the Marine Corps and everything that goes along with that!

 

I'm starting to feel a little bit overwhelmed though, and a little bit uncertain.  I don't know what's next, and I can't see beyond homecoming right now.  The following things are weighing heavily on my mind:

 

-Should we get out of the Marine Corps?

-I am a terrible wife for not moving down to Jacksonville and having a house ready for Randy.

-What will I do for a job when/if I move?

-Can I really stomach the thought of another year of voluntary distance from my husband?

-Who in their right mind even thinks its ok to consider another year apart?

-Are they effing serious?! Another deployment?!

-Have I made one right decision to date? Where's the do-over button??

-I feel guilty because Randy won't have a place to go when he gets home.

-Am I letting people (my parents!) down because I haven't gotten the greatest jobs? Are they disappointed that they spent so much money on my college education and there have been too many days since I graduated that I feel like I'm not even using those overrated pieces of paper?

Yes, I know that most, if not all those things on the list are just me being overly emotional, and completely irrational. (Ah, deployments!)

But I just don't know.  And that is scaring the crap out of me.  Plus, it's not like I can even talk to Randy about any of this stuff.  Right now, it's just not important, and it's just going to have to wait a few more weeks.  

I guess I just thought by now things would be clearer and easier and simpler.  But I guess that's just my Pollyanna way of thinking and always hoping for the best.  I know everything will work out exactly how it's supposed to- and I have faith that it will.  It's just a little bit hard right now to see through the clouds and the distance and all the other crap hanging in the way.  

So until it all works out exactly the way it's supposed to, if anyone has a fabulous job opportunity for me in Jacksonville, North Carolina.... send it my way! ;)

 

 

Nerves, Jitters, Anxiety...

Call it what you will, the pre-homecoming whatever is already starting to get to me. 

Every time I even THINK about homecoming, I get butterflies.  I am so excited, and cannot wait to see Randy again.  Then the panic hits me- will I even be able to FIND him??   But then I remind myself that I recognized him from this picture:

So chances are I will be able to find him.  I hope.

*Sidenote and true story- in 2005 I started to have dreams that I wasn't going to be able to find the boy when he got off the bus.  Homecoming is chaos.  About 10 charter buses pull up, and out pours hundreds of marines all wearing the exact same thing- and of course they all wear the same damn sunglasses too!  There are probably thousands of family members standing around in a teeny parking lot- and everyone is trying to find who they belong to.  Well, my dream came true.  I could not find Randy.  I stood there practically in tears- and was looking so far that I didn't even realize he was walking right up to me and standing in front of me.  So now I leave it up to him to find me- because based on what he's told me, he's spotted me each time before the buses are even in the parking lot.  Anyway..... 

Then I get nervous-will I look okay? Will he look okay? Will we be okay??    Then the stress starts- and I start wondering what new battles and demons we will be facing in a few months, or years- if last time was any indication.

So here's how we handle what the Marine Corps refers to as "Return and Reunion".  Well, at least that's what they called it 4 years ago! (Please note, this is just based on my perspective and experience with my Marine- everyone handles deployments differently- so you just need to take it day by day and see how it goes.)

~I've already given most of our family and friends the stupid question speech.  Stupid questions include, but are not limited to, any and all versions of the following:

     

     -Did you kill anyone?

     -Were you scared?

     -What's it like to shoot someone?

     -How did you get a Purple Heart? (this one really only applies in conversations about the first deployment)

     -Did you miss your family?

I think you can kinda see where I am going here.  Randy has, unfortunately, been asked all of the above way too many times.  And when I am around and these questions are asked, please do not be offended if I slap you upside your head.  It is important for these guys to know that they CAN talk to us- but it needs to be on their terms and when they are ready- not when some long lost relative decides they need to know everything now. 

~One of the first things I tell Randy when I actually get to see him is that I will always listen to whatever he wants and needs to tell me.  I am constantly reminding him of this.  It is important for him to know that I am here if he needs to talk.  There are some things I will never know about his time spent at war- and I am okay with that.  But, if the time comes and he does want to tell me- I am more than willing to listen. 

~I expect the unexpected.  Right after Randy returned home in 2004, we were at a mutual friends' wedding reception.  A little kid had gotten hold of a balloon, and popped said balloon.  Randy dropped faster than anything I have ever seen- because that sound of the balloon popping immediately took him back to Iraq- where he was being shot at and things were exploding constantly.  I remember just standing there staring at him- and wondering what the heck had just happened.  There was also a time he woke me up looking for his rifle or K-bar, I can't remember which.  But again, something instantly sent him back to Iraq, and he woke up believing he was there.  

~I ask what he wants to do.  Does he really want to run and see every single family member and friend we have?  Yes they all want to see him- but that is overwhelming for anybody, let alone someone returning from combat.  That's why this time we are having one party at my parents house.  That way everyone will have a chance to see Randy, but will save him from a lot of unnecessary stress and exhaustion.  

~We don't play the "Who Had It Worse" Game.  We both accept the fact that we each had our own sucky experiences and things we had to deal with while we were apart.  We talk about it- but understand that it sucked equally for each of us, obviously in different ways.  While he didn't have to nurse the dog back to health after leg surgery, he did have to be away from us while it all was happening.  Deployments suck for everyone equally, and that's all there is to it.

Here are some helpful things to read for more information:

Return and Reunion- USMC (I just love that this is from 2003....but it's still helpful!)

Real Warriors After Deployment

Military OneSource

http://supportyourvet.org/

Afterdeployment.org

http://www.operationptsd.com/

I can tell you one thing- there were not nearly this many resources and websites available to us 4 years ago.  There is so much information out there- and there are always people to help!

Road Trip!

This weekend was BUSY.  (So busy that I ran myself ragged and caught a cold, but that's another story.)

In my efforts to distract myself during the deployment, this past weekend was my big travel weekend for July.  I was planning on heading home to PA, with stops in Bloomsburg for a baby shower for one of my oldest friends (old as in people I have known the longest- since we were almost 5!), and State College to visit some of our closest friends.   I knew it was going to be an exhausting weekend, so I planned to leave work early, so I could be home by dinnertime.  I wanted to have at least a little down time at home.

Turns out those pesky deployment gods had other plans for me.  

My route home has been the same since I moved to North Carolina 6 years ago.  95 North to 476 to the Northeast Extension of the PA Turnpike.  I've driven that route a LOT.  Never in the last 6 years have I had one problem once I hit the turnpike.  This time was different.

While I was on 476, I saw a sign announcing that the NE Ext was CLOSED. 

CLOSED?!?!

(Insert complete and utter panic mode/meltdown here) 

Anybody want to take bets on who I called??  Oh, you guessed it.  Daddy saves the day again!

He, with the help of my mom and 2 of the guys he works with, proceeded to reroute me through Philadelphia so I could make it home.   I was slightly less than thrilled that I had to drive through Philly, but the alternative of sitting in traffic and waiting for the Turnpike to reopen was even less appealing.

So off I went.

Temple University.  My sister went here for a few semesters, so thankfully I was slightly familiar with the area.

We go from city to country in about 20 miles.  This was along the Delaware River.

 
Needless to say, I arrived home well past dinner.  As stressful and as LONG as it was, I was happy to be home in one piece.  My usual 4-5 hour trip home took me 8 hours, thanks to 611 north.  I did get a phone call from Randy though while I was driving, so that was a welcome distraction, and he definitely had me cracking up and feeling slightly less sorry for myself by the time we hung up. 

When I got home, I pretty much walked into the looney bin.  My dad was holding a colander and a flashlight, and my mom was equipped with a headlamp and a laser pointer.  Apparently a toad had hopped into our garage, and being the animal lovers that we are, none of us could bear to see him perish.  So we went on a toad hunt. 

That bright yellow thing in my dad's hand is the colander.  I didn't help much, I mostly just drank my beer and took pictures.  It was definitely the laugh I needed after a ridiculous ride home!!

There is truly never a dull moment with my family.

I crashed early that night, and was up early the next morning for the next leg of my trip-  Caroline's baby shower.  I am still in shock that she is having a baby- but so excited for her and the entire family! I rode out to Bloomsburg with my sister, which was so nice, because we had a chance to chat and catch up.  It also made me realize (again!) how much I miss her! 

Me, Caroline, and Sara.  We have a picture of the 3 of us together from each of our bridal showers, weddings, and now baby showers.  These girls are some of my dearest friends, and they are like sisters to me!!

Straight from the shower I headed out to State College.  I am lucky that I still have some very close friends out there, and was happy to have a chance to see them.  It was so nice to just sit and relax and catch up on their deck.  The only thing missing was Randy- although I'm not sure we would have had a quiet, relaxing evening if he were there... ha! ;)

me and Sophia!

 Isn't Sophia the sweetest??? I just adore her, and love being able to spend some time with her.  

All in all, I traveled just under 800 miles this weekend.  But I would do it again in a second.  

I had such a great weekend, and got to see so many great friends- who again reminded me what a great support system I have when Randy is away.  

Oh! I almost forgot the best part- by the time this weekend was said and done, it was officially AUGUST- which means I can finally say I will see my guy NEXT month!!!